Day 8 (148): Solo Journey

An email that I received this morning reminded me that there are many more people in this world that will tear us down than that will ever help us up.  I pride myself in being one of the supportive people in this world.  Nothing brings me more joy than sharing my talents and knowledge with others that may result in their lives being enriched or being a little bit better. After all, my research is in the treatment and prevention of obesity and its related diseases, so I am in the business of improving people's quality of life.

I am really competitive by nature, but that has never stopped me from helping anyone.  I am not one of those people that believes that helping other people could get in the way of your own success.  I am a highly successful individual and I haven't had to "step" on anyone to get here, nor have I cut any corners, lied, or cheated.  My integrity is priceless.   In fact, I generally have the problem of giving too much of my time to other people, and not reserving enough for myself and my own projects.  One of the things that going through these surgeries has taught me is that I have to take care of myself and my needs first.  I have gone 180 degrees from my previous highly ambitious, overcommitted, overworked, and overstressed lifestyle.      I am cool as a cucumber now, swimming with the current of life, instead of trying to steer my own path through it.  I'll get my captain's license back one day, but right now I am just focusing on surviving and not getting pulled under the current.

My mom always says that with time, people always reveal who they really are, you just have to open your eyes and pay attention.  It takes a special brand of cruelty to refuse to accommodate someone in my situation.  As high as the expectations that I have for myself are, I generally don't expect anything of anyone else.  However, the situation I am in requires a partnership.  I am beyond all in, but I didn't think that the bare minimum would be too much to ask.

I know that we come into this world alone and we die alone, so we have to be prepared to get through this life on our own, but that message has never resounded as loud and clear as it did today.

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In other news,  I have gotten some much needed rest today with the stress of this round of dissertation edits off of me.  I have kept my drugs on a schedule and have been able to take 2 Percocet each dosing period, since I haven't had to worry about the consequences from the drowsiness.

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Reflection

This world we live in is harsh.   Life is tough enough on its own without people standing in your way.  Good thing I don't walk anymore these days, I wheel.  I'll find a way around and out of this situation.