This morning I woke up later than usual. I think my brain is just really tired from working on my dissertation. I went to take my first step out of my bed, it happened to be on my left foot, and I crumpled in pain. I could feel pain along the line where my heel was cut and the rest of my foot was tight.
I almost cried...almost. For a quick moment, I let my mind find the place of desperation that I have hidden so nicely in a corner of my brain. The thought flashed in my head that I can't remember the last time I woke up without pain with the first step of the day.
I regained my composure and took my normal morning trip to the bathroom. I like to call it the walk of shame because my feet are in the most pain when I wake up and my gait is really compromised. I am so ashamed of how terrible my walking is in the mornings. For several months after the surgery, I would have to crawl there, or hop on my right foot (of course that was only an option before it collapsed). After my initial trip to the bathroom in the mornings, I immediately put on my tennis shoes. Taking steps without the support of my custom orthotics is a recipe for pain for both of my feet.
After avoiding this close call of slipping back into the darkness, I knew I needed to get out and do something I enjoy. I decided to go to the pool for a swim. I sat in the sun for probably 45 minutes before I even got in the water. I love the feeling of the sun rays being soaked up by my skin. I used to spend so much time outside training...hours and hours at a time. I have many more months of captivity ahead of me, but when I get back on my feet, I am going to return to being outside every day.
1000 m SWIM
100 m warmup- with pull buoy
100 m drills- with pull buoy
300 m- with pull buoy
50 m
100 m- with pull buoy
50 m
100 m- with pull buoy
50 m
2 x 25 m
100 m cool down- with pull buoy
--------------------------
Interview
After the pool, I had a phone interview for a job. So far, this is my third interview since I have been on the job market. This interview went so well that I landed an interview with the Dean of the school next week. She mentioned that after the next phone interview, they would invite me to their campus to do a presentation. I didn't say anything about my feet at that point, but that is going to be an interesting conversation explaining to them why I won't be able to come/ figuring out an alternative considering the condition I will be in after my second surgery.
--------------------------
Took 1 ibuprofen with lunch. I wanted to push back the timing of taking my oh so lonely 1 ibuprofen per day now, so that I would be able to make it through PT.
--------------------------
PT Session #25
My therapist continues to make the exercises harder to progress my left foot. The hardest exercise today was step ups on a platform with 20 lb weights in each hand! My legs are really sculpted (except for my left leg baby calf) from all the step ups, squats, and lower body lifting that I have had to do to rehab my foot. Add that to the silver lining list. I can only imagine how strong of a runner I would be at this point with the added leg strength and flexibility from all the PT. I have lost the endurance base that I worked so hard to build, but my cardiovascular fitness is still really high from all the cycling, swimming, and the arc trainer.
My left calf has increased by 2.5 cm since the start of physical therapy. It is still 2.5 cm behind my right calf, but the second surgery will take care of that difference. Hee hee.
My therapist told me that my left foot is done, totally rehabbed, except for running and high impact activities. He also said that I would have been running for a month now if my right foot didn't collapse. I try not to dwell on where I could have been without the right complicating my situation, but I would have been back in business, training for a triathlon that is in July. I put that triathlon on my calendar before the first surgery. It was the carrot in front of my nose. It was what kept me motivated to commit to my recovery. Based on how my left feels now, I know I would have met my goal of returning to racing by then. Now I have to move my goal back at least another 6 months. So close but yet so far.
At the end of the appointment, I tackled 20 mins of the Pike's Peak program on the arc trainer. I was determined to do it without causing the return of my left foot heel pain, and I did! My feet were both more sore than usual when I got to icing, but they didn't bother me while I was exercising.
---------------------------------
DISSERTATION
After showering and eating after PT, I got back to work on my dissertation. My swim this morning gave me great clarity. Working out always has that effect on me. Tonight, I re-ran and added to the stats that I originally ran for all 44 of my variables!!! That only took me 4 hours...no big deal. Tomorrow, I will be prepared to adjust my results section to reflect these changes and tackle my discussion section. I hope that I can finish the whole thing by tomorrow night, but I am not going to be make that a hard deadline. I have learned that I have to be more lenient with my goal setting because I am functioning at about what I would estimate as 25% efficiency compared to my old self. I can't get as much work done in a time period as I used to because my feet bother me all the time and are such high maintenance.
--------------------------------
Reflection
Today was one of the few days that I have felt like my old self since the surgery. I used to live by the motto: LIVE ULTIMATE. To me that meant trying my very best at everything in my life and pushing the limits of what was possible. I used to laugh in the face of challenges and obstacles. Now, even the smallest thing completely shakes me. But today, I didn't let anything get in my way. 2 workouts, a job interview, and more progress on my dissertation. I call that a red letter day people.
I am two weeks away...just 14 days...from my second surgery. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, where I will get my final confirmation that it is on. Generally, I toss and turn all night and feel sick to my stomach before appointments with my doctor. My life is always on the line every appointment. That really tears me up inside. After today, I am definitely too tired to be up worrying. Thankfully, I have no doubt that I will get a good night's rest.
1:20 am...time for ice, Tylenol 3, and my bed.
No comments:
Post a Comment