Day 210 (350): 30/50 Week Update + NYE

*Right: 30 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 50 week surgery anniversary*


30 weeks and 50 weeks!  I am knocking down time like it is a pin at the bowling alley.

2 weeks until my one year for my left foot!

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My mom and I went walking again today.  We love going walking together, and this break is the first time in over a year that I have been able to enjoy being active with her.


Walk
Duration: 00:35:46
Average Speed: 3.50 mph
Distance: 2.09 miles

It was a short and sweet walk.  It was my first time back on a trail that I used to train for marathons on.  It was the same trail that I ran 10 miles for this first time on.  That was Christmas Day, two years ago.  It was rather eerie going around the turns and up and down the hills.  It was as if I could remember every step of my former runs.  It was a huge déjà vu moment for me.  It also prompted me to realize that I have gotten good at just feeling numb through experiences like this.  Don't get me wrong, I was happy to be back on the trail and happy to do a measly 2 miles...that is a huge success for what I have been through.  But I can't help but flashback to my former life and remember the feeling of running and being so committed to my fitness goals that I woke up early on Christmas Day, stuck to my running program,  and completed 10 miles in preparation for my first half marathon that I had coming up a month later.  Today, It seemed like I felt small surges in my heart, the feeling of it shattering to pieces, but ultimately I kept myself together, not feeling too happy to be back on the trail and not too sad to not be back to running.  Like I said...numb, I didn't even cry.  That is how I have learned to deal.  I know it is only temporary and I'll go back to feeling the full impact of the ups and downs of life, but not yet.  I am not through this, but I will be someday.

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New Year's Eve Summary

No heels, no sparkles, no killer outfit, sober New Year's Eve.  Also a good one, because I spent it with my family.   And the most important part, I made it to New Years.  There were days this year that I didn't know if I would live to see the next year.  So this day is also a victory...and I'm almost to the one year mark for my first surgery.

Just after counting down to midnight and taking a ginger ale toast with my family (lame, I know, especially considering I am the youngest at 26), I went up to my bed and did my normal nightly PT exercises.

The grind continues...

Day 209 (349): Looking Forward

I drove back to my parents' house today after a busy weekend of reorganizing and upgrading my apartment.

Just before getting home, I stopped at the bookstore.  I haven't had a chance to go this semester, but I really do love reading and enjoy going to pick out new books.

I walked all around the store, and I came out with "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg.  It's a book examining the hurdles women face in obtaining and excelling in leadership roles.

Reading this book is the first step of my transformation process back to my old ambitious self.  I am looking forward to getting back on track with setting lofty goals in 2014 and not only reaching them but exceeding them!

Later at the house, I played Wii Sports and Just Dance 3 for the Wii with my family.  It was exhilirating for me to realize that I can do something so "normal" with my family again, with NO RESTRICTIONS!

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Reflection

I feel like I have watched my life in slow motion this year.  Not that I haven't accomplished great things (only graduating with a PhD and landing a full-time Tenure Track faculty position) this year, but it was more of the realization of dreams that I laid the ground work for years and years ago.  This year I didn't lay any ground work for my new dreams.  I sat on the bench, putting the energy I normally put into reaching for the stars, into my surgery recoveries.

2014 is going to be my year to get off the detour I am on and get back on my rocket ship path of achievement. 

Day 208 (348): Out with the old

Over the weekend, my family and I made a trip to my apartment to set-up my new additions...a huge flat-screen tv for my living room and a wireless printer for my home office...simply awesome christmas gifts.

While we were in the "re-modeling" phase, I decided that it was the right time to get a new tv stand and coffee table for my living room and also a real desk and bookshelf for my home office.

I also went through EVERY SINGLE BOX that I still had remaining from my move.  Over the weekend I transformed my apartment from nice college dorm/apartment to a legit "adult" apartment...with REAL furniture and everything :)

My mom and I also went for a walk yesterday:


Walk
Duration: 01:11:01
Average Speed: 3.12 mph
Distance: 3.69 miles

And today:

Walk
Duration: 00:47:02
Average Speed: 3.30 mph
Distance: 2.59 miles

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Reflection

I was happy to have the time and the physical capabilities to finally have a chance to go through all of the stuff that I have accumulated over my college years and to let go of some things.  It was also a major reality check that I am out of college.  I have a full time job, my own health insurance, my own place, and I pay my own bills.  When did I grow up? How did this happen???

Seriously, I am happy to be independent and living the life that I have always dreamed of.  However, it doesn't make it any easier to let go...

Day 205 (345): New Shoes!

My mom and I decided to do some "After Christmas" shopping today.

By the way, I actually enjoy shopping again.  My feet issues took away my ability to be mobile.  To enjoy doing anything that required walking or standing.  So shopping was out.  I have loved shopping since I was a little girl, so naturally I am thrilled to partake again.  I am not obsessed with buying a lot of things, I actually love the act of going to stores, looking through all the stuff, finding deals, etc.

Today, I broke down and bought a pair of boots.  This is really my first winter in almost a decade, so I am not properly equipped with a winter wardrobe.  I found a pair at my favorite sensible shoe store- Clarks.

I also got lucky and found two other pairs of shoes at one of the department stores.

My sensible and slightly fashionable shoe collection is growing.  It feels good to have options again.  To be able to choose the shoes I wear instead of being forced to wear the only ugly ones that my feet will allow me to.

Day 203 (343): 29/49 week update

*Right: 29 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 49 week surgery anniversary*

Nothing new other than that I added hiking to my list of "I CANs"

I am really enjoying relaxing with my family and taking a brief break from being so seriously committed to my surgery recovery journey.

Merry Christmas!!!

Day 200!!! (340): Family Christmas Party

200 days!!!

Made it to the 200 day mark for my right foot.  Now that my feet are doing much better, the time really is flying by.

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The last few days since my hiking adventure, my feet have been tired and sore.  It is to be expected due to the challenge that I put them up against.  Nothing to complain about, but enough to know that I shouldn't be pushing them.  I have tried to stay off of them and give them some time to recover.

On Thursday, I drove to my parents' house to help them prepare for our annual Family Christmas Party and to spend some of my break at home.  The huge perk of being a college professor is getting to stay on the college schedule, the same one I have followed for the last seven years as a student.  We have more than a month off for the holiday break.  I think my mind also wanted to make sure it was going to get a major break.  I left my laptop charger at my apartment.  I have a Mac and my family are all PC people.  No charger = Forced break.  There are worse things...

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This morning, my mom and I went on a short walk before doing all the final party preparations.



Walk
Duration: 00:38:34
Average Speed: 2.96 mph
Distance: 1.90 miles

The walk was slower than usual.  My feet are still a little sluggish from hiking.

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For the Christmas Party, I wore a skirt with tights and flats.  I wanted to make sure my scars were covered so that they wouldn't come up in conversation.  I am trying to move on with my life.  Every family event for this past year has, in my opinion, been ruined by my stupid surgeries and the state they put me in.  It was always, well, how are we going to get her there?  Will she be able to do it?  Is there a chair?  Can we leave her somewhere?  Blah blah blah.  My surgeries haven't only been hard on me, but my family has also had to make serious adjustments.  We are all really active.  That is just who we are.  We aren't wired to accept any alternatives.  Imagine the impact suddenly having a "disabled" child (at the age of 25) had on my parents.


My feet only came up once.  No twice.  I brushed the conversations off as quickly as possible.  Otherwise, the party was a lot of fun.  I LOVE my family.  Such characters.

Day 197 (337): Hiking Adventure

Today, I woke up early and went in to work to get some more class prep done for next semester.  I wrapped up just after lunch so that I could go meet my colleague for our hiking adventure.

I was so nervous.  I could feel the anxiety building all day.

1:00 pm finally came and I hopped in the car with my colleague and she drove us to a local mountain range.  It took us about an hour through winding roads to get there.  With every twist and turn, I thought I might seriously puke because of everything that was running through my mind:

I know that I have followed every stage of my recovery plan to the tiniest of details.  I can walk 4 miles.  I can climb stairs.  I can handle walking up and down hills.  I have all the skills I need.  But...what was screaming at me above what I know that I can do, were the what ifs.  What if I can't do it.  What if my ankles are too weak.  What if I trip and fall. What if I hurt myself. What if I cause the blinding pain to return.

When we arrived to the trails, I took out my trusty Bledsoe lace-up ankle braces and put them on.  I also wore my Brooks stability shoes (the super awesome pink ones featured earlier on this blog).  I wanted to make sure that I gave my feet their best possible chance of succeeding.  I knew that they needed to be supported and protected.

Before I knew it, we were on our first trail.  The first several minutes were just fine.  We were following a relatively flat path through the woods.  Then, I realized that I couldn't see flat ground forward anymore, of course because there was a drop off that had stairs upon stairs upon stairs to get down to the base. Not regular stairs. Uneven, differently spaced, rock stairs with no hand rails!  My colleague was leading the way and eagerly pushing us forward.

She started down the stairs first.  Then I followed.  I learned pretty quickly that she isn't good at stairs.  She has some knee issues and was struggling a bit.  It didn't make me happy to see her struggle, but I was overjoyed that I wouldn't be totally killing the hike for her with my slow pace.  I was actually better at going down stairs than she was.  Those stairs to and from my 5th floor apartment that I have been practicing are really paying off.

When we got to the bottom, we found this gem:

Seeing this waterfall was definitely worth the struggle on the trail to get to it.  When we were done taking pictures, we had to turn around and climb up all the stairs we had just come down.  I focused my mind and took them one stair at a time, maintaining my pace.  I was in a zone.  I was going to get back up those stairs.

This is a picture of the start of the stairs that we had to climb up to get back to the trail.  There were so many stairs that they couldn't all be captured in one photo.

After this trail, we got back in the car and drove to another one.  Conquered it.  Got back in the car and drove to another one.  Conquered it.  Walked from Trail #3 to Trail #4.  Conqured it.

Here is another one of the waterfalls we saw:

And a picture of the most epic stairs we had to climb, which also happened to be on the last trail when my feet were tired...

All in all we hiked 4 trails (a little less than 4 miles in total), saw 5 waterfalls, and climbed too many stairs to count.

And it was AWESOME.

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Reflection

Seeing those waterfalls and hiking these trails was an incredible moment for me.  First, I am so happy to be alive.  To have survived two major surgeries.  Second, I am proud of myself for taking a chance, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, WAAAY OUT, by agreeing to go on this hike.  And most importantly, that I didn't just climb the trails, I CONQUERED them. I was fighting back tears for a good bit of the hike.  It was an extremely emotional day for me; however, my new colleague doesn't know that much about my journey.  So I didn't want to really let my emotions show.  When I got home I just sat in awe.

It was the moment in my life when I realized that I am doing the impossible.  The moment when I realized that going through two complete ankle reconstruction surgeries was totally worth it.  The moment when I realized that I am not just walking again, I'm HIKING through ROUGH terrain.  

Nothing was promised to me with these surgeries.  In fact, I was told by more than one doctor that I would never run again.  That I should find non-physical hobbies. That I should switch to yoga or girly group fitness classes or the elliptical for physical activity.  All I was given was a chance that I may improve my condition.  A small single shred of hope that I may live an active lifestyle again.  I took a huge gamble by going through with the surgeries.  Boy did I place the right bet.  On my surgeon.  On my physical therapists.  On myself.  It has taken COMMITMENT from every fiber of my being to get to this point.  I have believed in myself through this entire journey, well except for a few days here and there (no one is perfect), and look at me now.  The key to my success:  I never let myself completely lose hope of achieving my goals.

Fight on caterpillars.  Fight on!

Day 196 (336): 7/12 month update + Swim

*Right: 28 week (7 month) surgery anniversary*

*Left: 48 week (12 month) surgery anniversary*

Update:  My feet are responding well to more challenging workouts.  I have even been taking the stairs in and out of my apartment daily.  I live on the 5th floor of my building, so its a serious challenge to get up and down them.  I am getting better and more comfortable with the stairs day by day.  I can also jog slowly, but I am backing off for now to keep working on the basics.  I want to make sure that I have the functional strength and fitness level to truly return to running again.  I don't want to force it.

By the way, I am at 12 months for my left foot by 4 week per month standards, but we know that our calendar doesn't work out quite that perfectly, so I still have 4 weeks to go for my real 1 year surgery anniversary.

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I swim by myself often, but today was one of the days that I had plans to go swimming with a few other faculty members. When I found out that everyone bailed on me, I really wasn't going to go.  I just didn't feel like leaving the comfort of my home today.  Then, I snapped out of my funk, and realized that I couldn't afford not to go.  I want to be back to TRI again next year, so I have to keep going.

Swim

I swam before doing drills today.

Swimming
100m warmup
200m technique drills

After warming up and working on my technique, I decided to do some timed swims.  I wanted to have an objective marker of where I am.

200m- 5:00
2 x 100m- 2:30
2 x 50m- 1:10
4 x 25m- 0:27

Total yards: 900 m

Where am I? In a really good place!  These times are pretty close to where I left off...two summers ago.

PT drills
Walking
Heel raises
Running (not long because my feet were sore)
Lateral squat walks

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Hiking?

While at the pool I ran into a faculty member unexpectedly.  She happened to be talking about her plans for going hiking this week.  The next thing I know, she asked me to go with her!  I was hesitant, because all I could think about was if my feet are ready for the challenge.  Since I can comfortably walk 4 miles now, and I can also go up and down stairs pretty well, I decided to take a leap of faith, and said Y-E-S!  I have been wanting to explore the area in my new city more, so I am really excited.  I AM GOING HIKING!!! (And I hear there are waterfalls!)  If I didn't push myself to get out and go swimming, this opportunity wouldn't have fallen into my lap.  What a nice surprise!

 Judgement day for my feet is tomorrow...

Day 195 (335): Too Far

I took the day off from working out to give my feet a rest from what I did to them yesterday.  I can admit that I pushed them too far.  I shouldn't have walk/jogged a whole mile within a 4 mile walk.

I can't help it though...

I miss the numbness, the calm, the quiet, and the clarity that comes with running.

It is so hard to describe the special happy place that my mind goes to when I am in the middle of a hard training session.

It is so frustrating to not be able to find that place again.  Not yet.  And for some reason, I really needed it yesterday.  More self exploration will commence to figure out exactly why I was seeking that place so hard yesterday.

Day 194 (334): Walking Meltdown

Walk
Duration: 01:06:56
Average Speed: 3.58 mph
Distance: 4.00 miles

After completing a mile walking, I set my interval timer for 2 mins on (jogging) and 1 min off (walking), the same as I did the last time I "jogged."  This time, I decided to try a mile.  After that I continued walking.

When my run tracker announced that I had made it to 3 miles in 49 mins, I couldn't help but to think that I would need to shave 20 minutes off of that to get back to my former PR, to even make it a "respectable" 5k time.  Here I was exhausted, feet tired, and out of breath from trying to push my pace.  Right now, it seems impossible to me to take 20 mins off.

I was frustrated to the point of tears rolling down my face.

When I got back home, I had to put on my ankle braces because I knew that I would need them to take some pressure off my feet for the grocery store run I needed to make.  My feet were really tired after my lackluster walk...

I cooked my meals for the week when I returned.

While cooking and for the rest of the night, I just tried to forget the day.  I elevated, iced, and took ibuprofen.  My feet were more sore than usual.  No more jogging for a while.

Day 191 (331): First walk across campus! + Swim

I had to go with a colleague across campus to take care of some end of the semester stuff.  Knowing about my feet, he kindly asked me if I could walk.  I haven't walked across campus at my new university yet.  It is hilly and has a lot of stairs, which with the condition of my feet this semester, looked to me like Mt. Everest.  I thought about it, and then I just said YES.  Today, I am going to try it.

We were off, and I climbed stair after stair to get up to the main part of campus.  We were both out of breath by the time we were at the top of the stairs and we still had to walk across the quad to get to the building that we needed to go to.

It was a big challenge for me...but I MADE IT!!!  Who knew something as simple as walking across campus could bring me so much joy?

When I got back from this adventure, I finished my all of my grading for the semester.  I am completely done with my first semester as a college professor!!!

If walking across campus for the first time, and closing out the semester weren't enough, I also went for a swim.

Swim

PT drills
Walking
Running
Heel raises
Squat jumps
Cariocas
High knees
Side to side over the lane live
Lateral squat walks
Running

Swimming
100m warmup
2 x 100m
4 x 50m
4 x 25m
Cooldown

Total yards: 600 m

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Reflection

Today I triumphed!  I am under construction, and I won't stop building until I'm exactly where I want to be.

Day 190 (330): Walk

Walk
Duration: 01:05:05
Average Speed: 3.71 mph
Distance: 4.03 miles

My feet felt great today, so I was really able to push the pace and the distance.

Day 189 (329): 27/47 week update + Why TRI?

*Right: 27 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 47 week surgery anniversary*

Update: It took me until after my workout today to figure out how far I have come. See the Reflection section.


Swim

100m warmup

PT drills
walking
6 shallow lengths (half the pool) of running
50 single leg heel raises
30 squat jumps
Side to side over lane line (to practice rapid change of direction)
Cariocas (grapevine drill)
high knees
walking

Swimming
2 x 100m
4 x 50m
4 x 25m
Cooldown

Total yards: 600 m

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Reflection

Today I felt not only like an athlete, but like my old self.  My stroke is smooth again. I can feel my whole body in sync. My shoulders and arms are stronger.  My core is stronger.  I can feel the power coming from my legs again, and my feet are no longer sore with kicking.

The way I felt in the pool today led me to the discovery of another silver lining to this journey.   Not many with my training background have had what I call, "the opportunity," to go from negative, as in lower than untrained (since I had to go through two major surgeries) to a trained state again.  I have lived in a trained state almost all of my life.  I can't remember ever being untrained.  As such, I have never noticed major progress physically.  Sure, I have shaved seconds off my race times, and lifted more weight, and been so close to obtaining my lifelong goal of having rock hard abs, but still, the changes are so small, almost untraceable.  It is discouraging if you don't have the mental fortitude to stick with your training.  I am not back to a trained state yet, but I am heading there.  Every day I can tell that I am getting stronger.  My small efforts are adding up to major progress.  [More Evidence: Stairs no longer frighten me.  I am not concerned about not being able to dodge obstacles or flee anymore.  I know that if my life depended on it, I could run at this point.  I am intentionally holding back to give my feet ample time for their comeback.]  Things are falling in to place.  I am going to keep working hard the rest of December on basic skills, and in January I am going to start TRI (swim-bike-run) training again.  I may be the slowest one in my first race back, but with endurance training, I have learned that:

Thinking about TRI training and the possibility of racing again made me ponder exactly why I love to TRI, so here it is:

Why TRI?

Ultimately, you are racing yourself.  I want to race again for the thrill of competing...against myself.  I love that fierce determination and commitment are minimum requirements.  To TRI, you have to follow a training plan for months and months.  During training, you have to make sure that you have all the necessary skills to succeed and that you have practiced every phase of the race, even when your bed is calling your name.  For TRI, you not only have to practice the three sports, but also the transitions.  Alongside the training, you have to monitor your food intake closely to make sure you have enough calories and the right calories to sustain the training.  And that you have practiced your race day nutrition.  I love the gear.  You get to wear brightly colored, skin-tight, water-repellant singlets with padding in the butt area for the bike leg. Who wouldn't want to wear one of those?   And don't forget the goggles, swim cap, helmet, sunglasses, cycling shoes, running hat, and tennis shoes (and that is just what you wear, not including all the other gear that you need to make racing happen).  It takes quite a while to get packed up the night before race day.  I love the excitement of race day. The tossing and turning in anticipation for your alarm to go off at 4 something so you can get yourself to the start line on time.  Going to get marked with your race number.  Setting up your transition station.  Lining up at the swim start with your swim cap and goggles in tow.  The rush that goes through you when you hear the sound of the start horn.  Seeing the buoy marking the end of the swim and realizing you made it through the swim without drowning or getting knocked out by a competitor.  Climbing out of the water, and racing up the shore to the transition area.  Changing your gear and hopping on your bike.  Fighting through the mid section of the bike leg when you start to feel some real fatigue.  Seeing the last cone on the bike course pointing you back to the transition area. Dismounting your bike (takes serious skill when your feet are clipped to the pedals) and haphazardly running in your cycling shoes back to your transition station.  Changing into your running gear, and heading out to the course for your last leg.  Checking the clock over and over again, making sure that you are on track to set a PR.  As long as you're close, you will give it all you've got on the run to beat your former self. I love crossing the finish line. You've made it and you're happy, you feel like you are on top of the world. You realize that you just pushed the limits of your capabilities higher.  Then you rush to get your official race results, celebrate what you've achieved (by pigging out on all the post race food), and then you just....GET BACK TO TRAINING.

Day 186 (326): Unexpected Inspiration + Busy Day

Since it is a Saturday in the fall, I woke up early specifically to catch ESPN's College Gameday.  I absolutely LOVE football, so watching Gameday is a ritual for me.

One story in particular caught my attention.  They had a segment dedicated to Henry Josey, a University of Missouri football player who sustained a devastating knee injury two years ago.  It was an injury that you don't typically sustain in football, similar to how my feet collapsing were "freak" accidents for my age, fitness level, and training expertise.  My doctor is sure it wasn't the running alone that caused the decline of my feet.  He is not sure what caused this to happen to me.  Any way you slice it, what happened to me was completely unexpected, just like Henry's injury.

Here is the link to the video on ESPN's website: ESPN Video: "Henry Josey Remade"

I was moved from the moment the video started:

Narrator: "In someway at sometime, we are all fragile. When we break, the hard question is are we wreckage or are we salvaged? Ruined? or Remade?"
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Those words cut right to the depths of my soul.  Thankfully, I can answer back: SALVAGED and REMADE!
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Henry: 
"I didn't ever think that I would be "normal" again.  I thought I was somebody else because of the injury I went through"


"The only certainty was the hurt"

"I had to find the power inside me to get me to get through the pain that I was in"
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If you've been reading my blog, you know that I've felt exactly this way, especially in the early stages when I was right in the thick of things.  It was clear to me hearing him say these things that the way I reacted to my injuries is a normal response.  Anyone that goes from elite level fitness to completely non-functional like we did is going to have more mental battles than physical ones.

Naturally, I was brought close to tears hearing his story since it struck so close to home with me.

What I was most inspired by was seeing him struggle through therapy and the bad days to get back on the field.  This year he is back and led his team to playing in the SEC Championship game.  It took him 659 days to get back on the field after his original injury.

So far it has been 588 days (1 year, 7 months, and 9 days) since my last running race (1/2 marathon on April 29th, 2012-when I sustained my original left ankle injury) and 455 days (1 year, 2 months, and 29 days) since my last triathlon (Sprint Tri on September 9th, 2012).  

It has been an awful long time since I have raced.  I've been down for a very long time, but I've never been out.  I try to improve every single day.  Henry's story gives me more hope and determination to continue in my journey.  Seeing Henry's story gave me the kick in the butt I needed to get back on my game.  I've come too far to ease off the gas now.  It is my dream to return to racing again.  I feel ALIVE when I am racing.  I vow to get back there.

Right after Gameday ended, I went to the gym!  Wouldn't you?

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Walk (to the gym)


Duration: 00:10:49
Average Speed: 3.14 mph
Distance: 0.57 miles

Gym
I didn't want to push my feet too much at the gym today since I jogged on them yesterday.

10 mins "running motion" elliptical

Circuit with seated arm machines

Circuit with seated leg machines

Rope drills

Ab circuit

Dynamic stretching drills (Ones I learned from my track days.  I found out that my legs are really really tight, so I need to add these to my normal routine)

Hip Plyometrics

Stretch

Walk (home)

Duration: 00:11:29
Average Speed: 3.23 mph
Distance: 0.62 miles

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Christmatizing

After working out, I went to lunch with a friend and off to pick out a REAL Christmas tree and some more Christmas decorations.

When I got back to my apartment I continued to decorate and strung the lights on my tree.  My feet didn't hurt walking the circles and circles and circles around the tree to get the lights on.  I was too tired to put the ornaments on, but everything else is done!

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Reflection

As I was icing and elevating my feet, I let my mind wander.  I thought about my Thanksgiving break. I didn't do any structured workouts, but I did do a good amount of walking on numerous shopping trips with my Mom.  My feet didn't want to be iced or elevated over the break.  At the time, I thought it was the strangest thing.  I had a revelation today (with the help of Henry's story).  My feet only feel like they don't need to be iced and elevated when I am not pushing them.

I need to push them daily to get to where I want to be.

So, I welcome the discomfort.

Soreness is a good sign.  A marker that indicates that I have worked hard enough that day.

Pain is and will always be a red flag that tells me that I need to back off.

Day 185 (325): "Baby" Jogging

I have spent a lot of time at work the last couple of days giving finals.  Since I could tell I was starting to burn out yesterday, I planned to work at home today.

The weather was wonderful out today, it was sunny and "warm" compared to the weather we have been having. So after getting some work done,  I went for a walk.


Walk
Duration: 01:11:19
Average Speed: 2.88 mph
Distance: 3.43 miles


I started off just strolling around downtown, taking time to enjoy the scenery.  When I got to my normal walking trail, I decided that today was the day that I was going to try to jog for the first time.

After completing a mile walking, I set my interval timer for 2 mins on (jogging) and 1 min off (walking).  The familiar beeps sounded telling me it was time to jog.  I started off very slow and continued to go just above a power walk.  I call it shuffling or "baby" jogging (this is exactly the strategy I have used towards the end of my marathons when I was too tired to run).  The first two minutes went well.  I took my minute to walk, and then back to jogging.  I did great...it felt great!!!  No, AMAZING.  I was careful not to push it, so I only did this for half a mile, and then went back to walking.

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Reflection

I  may have only jogged today, just for a few minutes, and really really slow, but the most important thing is that I did it.  I am well on my way to running again and will keep fighting for it daily.

Day 182 (322): 26/46 week update

*Right: 26 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 46 week surgery anniversary*

Update: Nothing new with the feetsies.

Today is a "reading day," so I am working really hard preparing for finals to start tomorrow. I'm finding a quiet peace in where I am in my life and so happy that I am not the one taking finals for the first time, rather I am the one giving them!

Day 181 (321): Last day of school + Gym

Today was the last day of classes for the fall semester.  After I taught my classes, I stayed late to work in my office until well after 6 pm.  Finals start on Wednesday and I have so much to prepare!

I missed my normal workout time (3:30), but I was determined to still do something.  When I got home, I changed and hopped in my car to drive to the gym.  I normally walk since it is only a half mile away, but with it being 7 pm and pitch dark outside, I had no choice but to take my car.

Gym

20 mins "running motion" elliptical

2 x 20 bilateral step-ups on a 1.5 foot box with a 10 lb dumbbell in each hand

2 x 10 box jumps up on a padded box

2 x 20 secs small jumps on top of padded box

Ab/push-up circuit

Stretch

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Reflection

This is the first time that I forced myself to workout after 5pm after it started getting so cold and dark. I am proud of myself for recognizing that I have to stay committed to reach my goals.

Day 180 (320): Enjoying Cooking and Christmatizing

It's the first day of December!

...which means that it is totally acceptable to start putting up Christmas decorations and non-stop playing of Christmas music.

After resting from my trip home for Thanksgiving, I went shopping for Christmas decorations (after raiding my Mom's stash at home) and went to the grocery store.

I embraced the Christmas spirit today and started "Chrismatizing" my apartment.  I have been in school for the last 7 years, and have always gone home in early December for a 5-week winter break at my parents' house.  As such, it never made sense for me to decorate my apartment.  This year is different, now that I have a full time job.  This year I will be here for most of December and will only be going home for a couple of weeks.

I have been so excited, like "kid in a candy store" excited to decorate my own place for Christmas and start my own Christmas traditions. I LOVE Christmas.  Why? One reason is that it is acceptable to have sparkling lights, glitter, sequins and bright colors everywhere (like I do on an everyday basis!).  And...because it brings people together.

After Chrismatizing, I cooked all of my meals for the week and even made some Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies!  My cooking session took about 3 hours from start to finish, including washing all the dishes and re-cleaning the kitchen after.  This is the first time that I can remember enjoying cooking again.  I didn't have to use a chair to rest my feet (it wasn't even in the kitchen) and I didn't feel my feet throbbing in pain.  It's been well over a year since I have been able to cook in peace.  I am so excited to be able to eat my own healthy prepared food again and not have to rely on things out of the freezer, fast food, and take-out anymore.

Day 175 (315): 25/45 week update

*Right: 25 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 45 week surgery anniversary*

Update: Feet are good.  And...I'm off the rest of this week for Thanksgiving!!!

This year, I am thankful for making it through my surgeries, for my career success, for the opportunity I have to rebuild my life brick by brick, and appreciative of all the people that helped me get here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Day 173 (313): Walk

Walk
Duration: 01:17:06
Average Speed: 2.55 mph
Distance: 3.28 miles

My feet were tired today, so I slowed the pace down quite a bit.  I only push my feet as far as they can tolerate.  Their tolerance changes daily, so I just have to go with the flow.

Day 170 (310): Last day of PT!!!

PT Session #35

5 mins elliptical, Heel raises, Jumps on the cable machine (Horizontal machine similar to a pilates reformer that allows resistance to be added by bungee cables), Lateral squat walks with the 150 lb bungee cord around my waist, Manual therapy- scars

While my therapist was working on my scars, we talked about where I am and where I need to be to get "back."  He told me that I am at GROUND ZERO.  To others that may sound discouraging, but to me it sounded like music to my ears.  Being at ground zero means that I can start from scratch from here on out rebuilding my body and working towards getting my "athlete" back.  All this time, all I have wanted is a chance.  I am not afraid of hard work.  My injuries pulled the carpet right out from under me and took away my opportunity to be an athlete.  Forget athlete, to be a "normally" functioning human being.  The surgeries knocked me down even more notches, but came with the possibility that I could come back someday.  Hearing I'm back at ground zero further validates my decision to go through these surgeries and all the time that I have spent in and out of therapy working my butt off to get my physical abilities back.

Recap of my PT journey this year
61 PT sessions (26 first surgery, 35 second surgery) across the span of 8 months, and over 100 hours of my life!

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Reflection 

Since I am an exercise physiologist by trade, I have all the knowledge I need to re-build myself into an athlete, I just have to continue to put in the work.  I may never be the athlete I once was, but all that matters is that I have the raw material and unlimited possibility back.

The world is in trouble now...

Day 169 (309): Swim

Worked really hard up until 3 pm so that I could be in the water by 3:30 pm. I love the flexibility I have with my schedule.

Swim

Now that my feet are really progressing on ground, I decided to add some harder exercises to my pool routine to continue to improve my abilities.

PT drills
2 pool lengths walking
80 single leg heel raises
2 pool lengths of squat jumping (45 jumps)
6 shallow lengths (half the pool) of running!

Swimming
100m warmup
50m swim drills
8 x 100m repeats (each under 2:30, 1:00 min off)
Cooldown

Total yards: 950 m

Day 168 (308): 6/11 month update

*Right: 24 week (6 month) surgery anniversary*

*Left: 44 week (11 month) surgery anniversary*

Update: Both feet are feeling really good.  My right heel is bothersome at times and that foot is tighter overall than my left, since it is the "newer" foot.  Otherwise, nothing to complain about.

New improvements:

~CAN walk 4 miles
~CAN walk at a 4 mph pace for a mile and over 3.5 mph average over multiple miles
~CAN jump carefully (best with something cushioned to land on)
~CAN ride my road bike with my clipless pedals out on the road
~CAN do walking lunges
~CAN navigate better in crowded places
~CAN walk on beach sand
~CAN sleep without elevation
~CAN skip icing some nights without waking up with achy feet


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Refection

The tides are turning my way again. I think I have weathered the storm for now and will keep working towards making myself stronger in preparation for the next one.  The most important change that I can see in myself lately has been getting my optimism back.  Some people don't understand how I find ways to be positive and enthusiastic most of the time.  Maybe some think I am "childish" or "girly" in ways.  My optimism has carried me far in this short life of mine as of yet and I think it is my secret weapon.  

I whole-heartedly believe in the following quote I found randomly:

"The mightiest works have been accomplished by men who have kept their ability to dream great dreams."- Walter Bowie

Dream on people, dream on, and...

Day 167 (307): 4 mile walk!

Walk
Duration: 01:09:44
Average Speed: 3.61 mph
Distance: 4.19 miles

First time walking 4 miles!!!  I had to slow the pace down a bit, but was able to complete the walk in a reasonable amount of time and pain free!

Day 166 (306): Gym Firsts

Gym

20 mins on the treadmill (worked up to 4.0 mph!)- First time going that fast on the treadmill

My right heel started bothering me, so I got off and switched to the "running motion" elliptical (15 mins).

Rope drills

Lunge/squat circuit- First time doing full walking lunges!!!

Box Jumps (on the smallest one-less than 1 foot high padded box)- First time jumping!!! I CAN JUMP!!!

Bench Press

Heel Raises

Ab/push-up circuit

Stretch

Day 163 (303): PT Session #34 + Fast Walk

PT Session #34

This is my second to last PT session.  I have one left next Thursday.  Since PT is coming to an end soon, I started thinking about what skills I am most nervous about teaching myself.

I know I am doing pretty well now in most ADLs but the one big thing that still scares me is that I have no avoidance skills.  I am literally terrified to be in a crowd for the chance that someone might step in front of me and cut me off or that I end up in a situation that I need to move away quickly and I can't.  I have perfected leaning out of the way without moving my feet, but I still have serious issues with stopping and going quickly.

This is another thing that has seriously affected my personality.  I am such a social person, but since I have absolutely none of the "flight" in the "fight or flight" response, I have avoided going anywhere with large crowds for most of this year.  The horror film that has played over and over in my head all of this time is that one of these situations would cause me to fall and I end up twisting or breaking one of my ankles.  Basically undoing or worsening the work done in my surgeries, causing me to have another surgery.  I've already had to go through two rather extensive surgeries, I absolutely do NOT want to have to have a third. I often refer to my new feet as babies, and have had to treat them that way to protect them from injury in their vulnerable stages.

My therapist had me do heel raises and I told him that I wanted to work on my avoidance skills for the reasons described above.

My therapist sat up a little cone obstacle course and made me have to stop and go on his command.  He tried to catch me when I was least expecting it.  He also made me walk down a hallway and he told me to start and stop, almost like I was playing red light green light.  I was so awkward doing these things at first but the more I did them the more relaxed my body was and the better I reacted.  I seriously appreciate the effort that my therapist put in to coming up with these drills.  He described to me how difficult it is to simulate a spontaneous event, but I definitely think that these drills added a little to my confidence.

After we transitioned to manual therapy.  My therapist worked on my scars and on my calves.  While he was working on me, he told me that my ankles are as strong as anyone else's at this point.  That my risk of having an ankle injury is no higher than anyone else.  This certainly reassured me and silenced some of my fears.

-----------------------

Off to work after therapy and then for a walk after work.

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Walk
Duration: 00:54:11
Average Speed: 3.76 mph
Distance: 3.40 miles

Fastest mile to date was mile 2 of this walk that I completed in 14:33 @ 4.12 mph!!!!

This is much closer to where I need to be before I can think about transitioning to running.

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Reflection

Today, I faced some of my fears and came out stronger and more confident.  I am on a roll people!!! Definitely choosing the positive definition of FEAR (see below).

Day 162 (302): Gym

Walk (to the gym)

Duration: 00:09:12
Average Speed: 3.56 mph
Distance: 0.55 miles

Gym
1.3 miles on the treadmill-25 mins total, max speed was 3.7 mph (3.8 was too much).  I also did an incline program for 10 mins of my walk.

3 x 10 squats, shrugs, deadlifts, and clean pulls from the reebok stability platform

2 x 10 single legged squats on the bosu

Heel raises with single leg isolation on the way down

Standing weighted hip abduction/adduction and knee raises, 15 each direction

Ab/push-up circuit with 6 lb med ball

Stretch


Walk (home)

Duration: 00:10:03
Average Speed: 3.44 mph
Distance: 0.58 miles

Day 161 (301): 23/43 week update + Back to reality

*Right: 23 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 43 week surgery anniversary*

Update: Feeling fabulous after getting the all clear from my doctor yesterday.
-----------------------

I got back to my apartment after 11 pm last night, by the time my flight landed and I made the ~2 hour drive back home.

Woke up this morning, finished my teaching prep, and went in to work.  Before teaching my lab class, I had to map out a 1 mile course for them to walk as part of their lab activity for the day.

Walk

Duration: 00:17:21
Average Speed: 3.45 mph
Distance: 1.00 miles


It was a full day playing catch-up after being gone for the past 4 days, but the trip was simply wonderful and worth the sleep I will miss this week getting everything back in order.

Day 160 (300!!!): Post-Op Appointment #4- All Clear

300 Days!!!

Keeping myself busy at my new job and in my new city has helped the time just melt away.  300 days.  3-0-0 days since my first surgery!

Kind of perfect that my fourth post-op appointment (almost 6-month checkup for my right foot) was today after having such a wonderful weekend, so I was in great spirits going in to the appointment.

Surprisingly, I had a really short wait.  They called me back minutes after my appointment time.  As I walked back to the patient rooms, I passed all of the support staff who were all overjoyed to see me walking so well.

Same drill, short report on how I'm doing, trip to the x-ray room, and back to the patient room.

My doctor came in shortly after.  

I told him about how much my walking has improved, and how I am back on my road bike riding outside, and how I also swim and go to the gym consistently.  

He was happy to hear that I am steadily improving and much to my surprise, he told me I don't have to come back and see him unless something comes up.  As in NO MORE POST-OP APPOINTMENTS!!!!  and...NO MORE MEDICAL RESTRICTIONS!!!!

When my doctor left to meet with other patients, I asked the Athletic Trainer that has been working on my case alongside my surgeon what to do to progress from where I am to full activity.  He told me that the best tool is to use the pool to simulate any activities I want to do on the ground.  

Upon checking out, I requested an electronic copy of all of my x-rays, and said my goodbyes.  Everyone in the place was so happy to see me leaving out for what we all hope is the final time.  

------------------------

Reflection

I did not walk into this appointment expecting to get the "All Clear."  I am glad that I had no expectations because it made the realization of being released even sweeter.  This entire trip brought me great closure to all of my endeavors in this city, closure I wasn't lucky enough to have when I moved.  With my feet coming back, my PhD in tow, an AMAZING job, and family and friends that support me,  it feels so great that I can truly move on with my life.  

Day 159 (299): BEACH!!! :0)

The morning was kind of cloudy and overcast, but I was determined to go to the beach.  When I used to live here, I saw the ocean daily.  I made sure that every single one of my training routes went right along the water.  I also lived less than 2 miles from a major beach here.  Suffice to say that a lot of my former life revolved around going to the beach.

Enter injuries and their subsequent surgeries.

Life stopped.

No beach.  Why? The sand is so unstable and unpredictable and my feet were struggling to walk on flat ground.  I couldn't go for months before my surgeries, and not after with all of my assistive devices and casts/boots/braces, etc.

So it has been more than a year...

But today, I went to the beach and loved it!  Sure, it was hard to walk on the sand, but I did it!  I enjoyed the feel of the sun on my skin, the sand between my toes, and even went in the water for a bit.

Later, my friend and I ate brunch at an outdoor restaurant by the beach.  It was such a perfect and relaxing return to an activity that I so enjoy.

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Reflection

I'm returning to my roots and things that are at the core of my being. Feeling my little island of happy that I have kept going through all of this grow into a land mass.

Day 158 (298): Homecoming Game

So the weather was rainy and nasty all through the tailgate and the game...but it didn't stop me from meeting up with a number of old friends as I hopped from tailgate to tailgate.  Unlike my last game experience here, my feet are much better so I was able to stand and walk around throughout the entire tailgate.

One moment that stays in my mind is when one of my friends said, "I'll run up to you, since you can't run to me!"

Dagger in chest, t w i s t e d.

I know that she meant well, as in she was so excited to see me that she wanted to run and hug me, but it was a blaring reminder that I CAN'T RUN.  Not yet anyways.

After tailgating, we went into the stadium, and my team made a whole host of mistakes that cost us the game early, to one of our rival teams, nonetheless.  Losing this game knocked us down seriously in the post-season conversation, but that is my team, and I will stand by them rain or shine.

Day 157 (297): Homecoming Festivities

I had no trouble going through security, walking through the airport, and during my flight.  I am accustomed to traveling quite a bit, so I am happy that I can survive the airport experience fairly well now.

I also had an absolute blast through the jammed packed day of homecoming festivities.  I had my school themed tennis shoes on, completing my head to toe school spirited outfit.  My feet were sore as usual with all the walking, standing, and carrying on I was doing going from event to event, but they were tolerable.

They did not hold me back from what I was doing.

To me, that means I have achieved ultimate success with these surgeries.  To be able to truly enjoy doing the things that make me happy again is what I went through all of this for.  I don't have all of my abilities back, but there is no question that I am still in this fight!

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Reflection

It was truly humbling to realize that I survived these surgeries and was able to see the legacy I left at my former university.  It was my first time going back for homecoming, not as a student.  As much fun as I had reminiscing about my college days, it is even more fun to know that when this trip is over, I get to go back to a job and a life that I absolutely love in my new city.  I have moved on to bigger and better things since my college days, which means I "made it" in a sense. So proud of myself.

Day 156 (296): PT Session #33

PT Session #33

I am down to one PT session per week now.

More of the same exercises today.  My right foot was tighter than normal and my therapist noticed, so we spent most of the session doing manual therapy, specifically designed to help me with the toe-off motion of that foot.

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In the morning, I am flying to my former city to celebrate Homecoming weekend at my alma mater and also for my "6-month" post-op appointment for my right foot.

Day 155 (295): Walk + Weather Solution

Walk
Duration: 01:08:27
Average Speed: 2.64 mph
Distance: 3.02 miles

I figured out how to motivate myself to workout in this weather.  I leave work around 3 pm and start training by 3:30 pm.  That way, I can train while the sun is still out, and be done by 5, around when the darkness sets in.  I shower and eat dinner, and then put in a few more hours of work (to make up for leaving work earlier).  It worked out today, so I am going to keep trying this strategy.

Day 154 (294): 22/42 week update + Too cold

*Right: 22 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 42 week surgery anniversary*

Continuing to make progress, my left foot is only 10 weeks from being 1 year!

---------------------------

This morning, I leisurely cooked myself breakfast, went to work, taught my classes, and also got a lot of work done during my office hours.  I planned on going swimming, but when I got ready to go (around 5 pm), it was way too cold and dark outside for me to go.  I swim at an indoor pool, so the weather isn't a problem, except for getting out of the car and walking to the building and walking back to my car afterwards.  Today, I was cold down to my bones.  I have formerly spent a serious chunk of my life in a tropical climate, so this whole "winter" thing is something I haven't experienced in quite a while.  Going in to swim wasn't the problem for me, imagining changing from my warm clothes into a bathing suit, and also myself with wet hair walking out to my car was where I draw the line.

No swim today.

When I got home I caught up on some more work.

---------------------------
Reflection

I know that I am going to have to figure out a way to motivate myself to train in these cold and dark conditions, but today was not that day.