Day 175 (315): 25/45 week update

*Right: 25 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 45 week surgery anniversary*

Update: Feet are good.  And...I'm off the rest of this week for Thanksgiving!!!

This year, I am thankful for making it through my surgeries, for my career success, for the opportunity I have to rebuild my life brick by brick, and appreciative of all the people that helped me get here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Day 173 (313): Walk

Walk
Duration: 01:17:06
Average Speed: 2.55 mph
Distance: 3.28 miles

My feet were tired today, so I slowed the pace down quite a bit.  I only push my feet as far as they can tolerate.  Their tolerance changes daily, so I just have to go with the flow.

Day 170 (310): Last day of PT!!!

PT Session #35

5 mins elliptical, Heel raises, Jumps on the cable machine (Horizontal machine similar to a pilates reformer that allows resistance to be added by bungee cables), Lateral squat walks with the 150 lb bungee cord around my waist, Manual therapy- scars

While my therapist was working on my scars, we talked about where I am and where I need to be to get "back."  He told me that I am at GROUND ZERO.  To others that may sound discouraging, but to me it sounded like music to my ears.  Being at ground zero means that I can start from scratch from here on out rebuilding my body and working towards getting my "athlete" back.  All this time, all I have wanted is a chance.  I am not afraid of hard work.  My injuries pulled the carpet right out from under me and took away my opportunity to be an athlete.  Forget athlete, to be a "normally" functioning human being.  The surgeries knocked me down even more notches, but came with the possibility that I could come back someday.  Hearing I'm back at ground zero further validates my decision to go through these surgeries and all the time that I have spent in and out of therapy working my butt off to get my physical abilities back.

Recap of my PT journey this year
61 PT sessions (26 first surgery, 35 second surgery) across the span of 8 months, and over 100 hours of my life!

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Reflection 

Since I am an exercise physiologist by trade, I have all the knowledge I need to re-build myself into an athlete, I just have to continue to put in the work.  I may never be the athlete I once was, but all that matters is that I have the raw material and unlimited possibility back.

The world is in trouble now...

Day 169 (309): Swim

Worked really hard up until 3 pm so that I could be in the water by 3:30 pm. I love the flexibility I have with my schedule.

Swim

Now that my feet are really progressing on ground, I decided to add some harder exercises to my pool routine to continue to improve my abilities.

PT drills
2 pool lengths walking
80 single leg heel raises
2 pool lengths of squat jumping (45 jumps)
6 shallow lengths (half the pool) of running!

Swimming
100m warmup
50m swim drills
8 x 100m repeats (each under 2:30, 1:00 min off)
Cooldown

Total yards: 950 m

Day 168 (308): 6/11 month update

*Right: 24 week (6 month) surgery anniversary*

*Left: 44 week (11 month) surgery anniversary*

Update: Both feet are feeling really good.  My right heel is bothersome at times and that foot is tighter overall than my left, since it is the "newer" foot.  Otherwise, nothing to complain about.

New improvements:

~CAN walk 4 miles
~CAN walk at a 4 mph pace for a mile and over 3.5 mph average over multiple miles
~CAN jump carefully (best with something cushioned to land on)
~CAN ride my road bike with my clipless pedals out on the road
~CAN do walking lunges
~CAN navigate better in crowded places
~CAN walk on beach sand
~CAN sleep without elevation
~CAN skip icing some nights without waking up with achy feet


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Refection

The tides are turning my way again. I think I have weathered the storm for now and will keep working towards making myself stronger in preparation for the next one.  The most important change that I can see in myself lately has been getting my optimism back.  Some people don't understand how I find ways to be positive and enthusiastic most of the time.  Maybe some think I am "childish" or "girly" in ways.  My optimism has carried me far in this short life of mine as of yet and I think it is my secret weapon.  

I whole-heartedly believe in the following quote I found randomly:

"The mightiest works have been accomplished by men who have kept their ability to dream great dreams."- Walter Bowie

Dream on people, dream on, and...

Day 167 (307): 4 mile walk!

Walk
Duration: 01:09:44
Average Speed: 3.61 mph
Distance: 4.19 miles

First time walking 4 miles!!!  I had to slow the pace down a bit, but was able to complete the walk in a reasonable amount of time and pain free!

Day 166 (306): Gym Firsts

Gym

20 mins on the treadmill (worked up to 4.0 mph!)- First time going that fast on the treadmill

My right heel started bothering me, so I got off and switched to the "running motion" elliptical (15 mins).

Rope drills

Lunge/squat circuit- First time doing full walking lunges!!!

Box Jumps (on the smallest one-less than 1 foot high padded box)- First time jumping!!! I CAN JUMP!!!

Bench Press

Heel Raises

Ab/push-up circuit

Stretch

Day 163 (303): PT Session #34 + Fast Walk

PT Session #34

This is my second to last PT session.  I have one left next Thursday.  Since PT is coming to an end soon, I started thinking about what skills I am most nervous about teaching myself.

I know I am doing pretty well now in most ADLs but the one big thing that still scares me is that I have no avoidance skills.  I am literally terrified to be in a crowd for the chance that someone might step in front of me and cut me off or that I end up in a situation that I need to move away quickly and I can't.  I have perfected leaning out of the way without moving my feet, but I still have serious issues with stopping and going quickly.

This is another thing that has seriously affected my personality.  I am such a social person, but since I have absolutely none of the "flight" in the "fight or flight" response, I have avoided going anywhere with large crowds for most of this year.  The horror film that has played over and over in my head all of this time is that one of these situations would cause me to fall and I end up twisting or breaking one of my ankles.  Basically undoing or worsening the work done in my surgeries, causing me to have another surgery.  I've already had to go through two rather extensive surgeries, I absolutely do NOT want to have to have a third. I often refer to my new feet as babies, and have had to treat them that way to protect them from injury in their vulnerable stages.

My therapist had me do heel raises and I told him that I wanted to work on my avoidance skills for the reasons described above.

My therapist sat up a little cone obstacle course and made me have to stop and go on his command.  He tried to catch me when I was least expecting it.  He also made me walk down a hallway and he told me to start and stop, almost like I was playing red light green light.  I was so awkward doing these things at first but the more I did them the more relaxed my body was and the better I reacted.  I seriously appreciate the effort that my therapist put in to coming up with these drills.  He described to me how difficult it is to simulate a spontaneous event, but I definitely think that these drills added a little to my confidence.

After we transitioned to manual therapy.  My therapist worked on my scars and on my calves.  While he was working on me, he told me that my ankles are as strong as anyone else's at this point.  That my risk of having an ankle injury is no higher than anyone else.  This certainly reassured me and silenced some of my fears.

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Off to work after therapy and then for a walk after work.

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Walk
Duration: 00:54:11
Average Speed: 3.76 mph
Distance: 3.40 miles

Fastest mile to date was mile 2 of this walk that I completed in 14:33 @ 4.12 mph!!!!

This is much closer to where I need to be before I can think about transitioning to running.

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Reflection

Today, I faced some of my fears and came out stronger and more confident.  I am on a roll people!!! Definitely choosing the positive definition of FEAR (see below).

Day 162 (302): Gym

Walk (to the gym)

Duration: 00:09:12
Average Speed: 3.56 mph
Distance: 0.55 miles

Gym
1.3 miles on the treadmill-25 mins total, max speed was 3.7 mph (3.8 was too much).  I also did an incline program for 10 mins of my walk.

3 x 10 squats, shrugs, deadlifts, and clean pulls from the reebok stability platform

2 x 10 single legged squats on the bosu

Heel raises with single leg isolation on the way down

Standing weighted hip abduction/adduction and knee raises, 15 each direction

Ab/push-up circuit with 6 lb med ball

Stretch


Walk (home)

Duration: 00:10:03
Average Speed: 3.44 mph
Distance: 0.58 miles

Day 161 (301): 23/43 week update + Back to reality

*Right: 23 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 43 week surgery anniversary*

Update: Feeling fabulous after getting the all clear from my doctor yesterday.
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I got back to my apartment after 11 pm last night, by the time my flight landed and I made the ~2 hour drive back home.

Woke up this morning, finished my teaching prep, and went in to work.  Before teaching my lab class, I had to map out a 1 mile course for them to walk as part of their lab activity for the day.

Walk

Duration: 00:17:21
Average Speed: 3.45 mph
Distance: 1.00 miles


It was a full day playing catch-up after being gone for the past 4 days, but the trip was simply wonderful and worth the sleep I will miss this week getting everything back in order.

Day 160 (300!!!): Post-Op Appointment #4- All Clear

300 Days!!!

Keeping myself busy at my new job and in my new city has helped the time just melt away.  300 days.  3-0-0 days since my first surgery!

Kind of perfect that my fourth post-op appointment (almost 6-month checkup for my right foot) was today after having such a wonderful weekend, so I was in great spirits going in to the appointment.

Surprisingly, I had a really short wait.  They called me back minutes after my appointment time.  As I walked back to the patient rooms, I passed all of the support staff who were all overjoyed to see me walking so well.

Same drill, short report on how I'm doing, trip to the x-ray room, and back to the patient room.

My doctor came in shortly after.  

I told him about how much my walking has improved, and how I am back on my road bike riding outside, and how I also swim and go to the gym consistently.  

He was happy to hear that I am steadily improving and much to my surprise, he told me I don't have to come back and see him unless something comes up.  As in NO MORE POST-OP APPOINTMENTS!!!!  and...NO MORE MEDICAL RESTRICTIONS!!!!

When my doctor left to meet with other patients, I asked the Athletic Trainer that has been working on my case alongside my surgeon what to do to progress from where I am to full activity.  He told me that the best tool is to use the pool to simulate any activities I want to do on the ground.  

Upon checking out, I requested an electronic copy of all of my x-rays, and said my goodbyes.  Everyone in the place was so happy to see me leaving out for what we all hope is the final time.  

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Reflection

I did not walk into this appointment expecting to get the "All Clear."  I am glad that I had no expectations because it made the realization of being released even sweeter.  This entire trip brought me great closure to all of my endeavors in this city, closure I wasn't lucky enough to have when I moved.  With my feet coming back, my PhD in tow, an AMAZING job, and family and friends that support me,  it feels so great that I can truly move on with my life.  

Day 159 (299): BEACH!!! :0)

The morning was kind of cloudy and overcast, but I was determined to go to the beach.  When I used to live here, I saw the ocean daily.  I made sure that every single one of my training routes went right along the water.  I also lived less than 2 miles from a major beach here.  Suffice to say that a lot of my former life revolved around going to the beach.

Enter injuries and their subsequent surgeries.

Life stopped.

No beach.  Why? The sand is so unstable and unpredictable and my feet were struggling to walk on flat ground.  I couldn't go for months before my surgeries, and not after with all of my assistive devices and casts/boots/braces, etc.

So it has been more than a year...

But today, I went to the beach and loved it!  Sure, it was hard to walk on the sand, but I did it!  I enjoyed the feel of the sun on my skin, the sand between my toes, and even went in the water for a bit.

Later, my friend and I ate brunch at an outdoor restaurant by the beach.  It was such a perfect and relaxing return to an activity that I so enjoy.

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Reflection

I'm returning to my roots and things that are at the core of my being. Feeling my little island of happy that I have kept going through all of this grow into a land mass.

Day 158 (298): Homecoming Game

So the weather was rainy and nasty all through the tailgate and the game...but it didn't stop me from meeting up with a number of old friends as I hopped from tailgate to tailgate.  Unlike my last game experience here, my feet are much better so I was able to stand and walk around throughout the entire tailgate.

One moment that stays in my mind is when one of my friends said, "I'll run up to you, since you can't run to me!"

Dagger in chest, t w i s t e d.

I know that she meant well, as in she was so excited to see me that she wanted to run and hug me, but it was a blaring reminder that I CAN'T RUN.  Not yet anyways.

After tailgating, we went into the stadium, and my team made a whole host of mistakes that cost us the game early, to one of our rival teams, nonetheless.  Losing this game knocked us down seriously in the post-season conversation, but that is my team, and I will stand by them rain or shine.

Day 157 (297): Homecoming Festivities

I had no trouble going through security, walking through the airport, and during my flight.  I am accustomed to traveling quite a bit, so I am happy that I can survive the airport experience fairly well now.

I also had an absolute blast through the jammed packed day of homecoming festivities.  I had my school themed tennis shoes on, completing my head to toe school spirited outfit.  My feet were sore as usual with all the walking, standing, and carrying on I was doing going from event to event, but they were tolerable.

They did not hold me back from what I was doing.

To me, that means I have achieved ultimate success with these surgeries.  To be able to truly enjoy doing the things that make me happy again is what I went through all of this for.  I don't have all of my abilities back, but there is no question that I am still in this fight!

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Reflection

It was truly humbling to realize that I survived these surgeries and was able to see the legacy I left at my former university.  It was my first time going back for homecoming, not as a student.  As much fun as I had reminiscing about my college days, it is even more fun to know that when this trip is over, I get to go back to a job and a life that I absolutely love in my new city.  I have moved on to bigger and better things since my college days, which means I "made it" in a sense. So proud of myself.

Day 156 (296): PT Session #33

PT Session #33

I am down to one PT session per week now.

More of the same exercises today.  My right foot was tighter than normal and my therapist noticed, so we spent most of the session doing manual therapy, specifically designed to help me with the toe-off motion of that foot.

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In the morning, I am flying to my former city to celebrate Homecoming weekend at my alma mater and also for my "6-month" post-op appointment for my right foot.

Day 155 (295): Walk + Weather Solution

Walk
Duration: 01:08:27
Average Speed: 2.64 mph
Distance: 3.02 miles

I figured out how to motivate myself to workout in this weather.  I leave work around 3 pm and start training by 3:30 pm.  That way, I can train while the sun is still out, and be done by 5, around when the darkness sets in.  I shower and eat dinner, and then put in a few more hours of work (to make up for leaving work earlier).  It worked out today, so I am going to keep trying this strategy.

Day 154 (294): 22/42 week update + Too cold

*Right: 22 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 42 week surgery anniversary*

Continuing to make progress, my left foot is only 10 weeks from being 1 year!

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This morning, I leisurely cooked myself breakfast, went to work, taught my classes, and also got a lot of work done during my office hours.  I planned on going swimming, but when I got ready to go (around 5 pm), it was way too cold and dark outside for me to go.  I swim at an indoor pool, so the weather isn't a problem, except for getting out of the car and walking to the building and walking back to my car afterwards.  Today, I was cold down to my bones.  I have formerly spent a serious chunk of my life in a tropical climate, so this whole "winter" thing is something I haven't experienced in quite a while.  Going in to swim wasn't the problem for me, imagining changing from my warm clothes into a bathing suit, and also myself with wet hair walking out to my car was where I draw the line.

No swim today.

When I got home I caught up on some more work.

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Reflection

I know that I am going to have to figure out a way to motivate myself to train in these cold and dark conditions, but today was not that day.

Day 153 (293): Walk

Walk
Duration: 00:58:09
Average Speed: 3.11 mph
Distance: 3.01 miles

Day 151 (291): 20 mile ride + Birthday Party

20 mile ride

I woke up early on a Saturday morning to go on a ride.   My friend has been begging me all week to go on this charity ride with her, since the person it was for is associated with our university.  I told her that we weren't ready, since we have only been doing ~10 mile rides (I started converting her to Tri at the beginning of this semester).  She persisted, and I wasn't going to leave her hanging, so we went.

I put on my favorite cycling kit and gathered all of my cycling gear and my bike.  I loaded the car and I was on my way.

I was so nervous when I arrived, because I decided that today was the day that I was going to ride in my cycling shoes and clipless pedals for the first time out on the road.  My therapist told me to practice in a parking lot a few times before riding on the road.  His words were, "I don't want to have to treat you for a broken collarbone!" Well...he wasn't specific about when I needed to practice in the parking lot and how far in advance to riding that I practiced.  I took my bike out of the car, rode two laps around the parking lot, and practiced clipping out and stopping a few times.  It was a success...so I was ready to ride!  

The ride was thrilling, my friend and I were not even close to the slowest people.  In fact, I was one of the fastest on flat ground and going down hill.  The hill climbs are what killed me.  My baby calves are so weak that those were really tough.  I had to dig deep,  deeper than deep, to make it up all of those hills.  I have chills thinking about those hills right now.  So many of the other riders were encouraging me and cheering me on during the climbs.

I realized that while I was riding, being back on my bike feels so natural.  My handling skills and confidence came right back with the switch to my clipless pedals.  I am much more accustomed to those.  Before my surgeries, I had never actually ridden my road bike with flat pedals before, only my clipless pedals.  Boy am I happy to be back to business as usual on the bike...except for my calf strength.

Duration: 01:38:23
Average Speed: 12.04 mph
Distance: 19.74 miles


Birthday Party

To celebrate my birthday, I invited my friends and family over to the theatre room in my apartment building for a game watching party.  I swear my first love is college football.  My alma mater had a big game, so it was a perfect Saturday to have people over to watch it.  It was so much fun and low key like I like my birthday celebrations to be.  It really is just another day for me.  I think of it more as a day of reflection of how far I have come in the last year and where I want to go in the next year.  I guess I view it as my personal new years.  Nothing to celebrate per say, just a moment to pause and think about the status of my life.


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Reflection

Days like today make me feel alive again.  Make me feel like I am not just going through the motions to survive, like I am actually enjoying my days again.  I used to live the $4*+ out of my days.  Live with reckless abandon.  Live so passionately.  Live like there is no tomorrow.  My motto was seriously YOLO (you only live once) before Drake came up with it.  I packed so much into every day and tried to be the best I could be every moment.  I worked towards accomplishing each and every one of my goals daily.  With the surgeries, I turned my attention to survival.  Just make it through the day without crying.  Just make it through the day without letting your pain break your spirit.  Just make it through the day without asking, Why me? Just make it though your therapy exercises, icing, and elevating. Just focus on the positives in your life, not what's wrong with it.

Now....I just want to live.  To love.  To laugh. To be happy.  To be whole again.  

I may not be there yet, but I am well on my way.

Day 150 (290): Lucky Number 26

Today is my BIRTHDAY!!!

Made it to 26 years old.

This year has been hard. 
This year has been unbearable.
This year has been impossible.
This year has been painful.
This year has been humbling.
This year has been tough.
This year has been  R. O. U. G. H.  

But I am a survivor.

That is all.