This morning, I got contacted by my new university to start the hiring paperwork. While I was working on filling it out, my advisor emailed me back the final draft of my dissertation for my approval before sending it to my committee. We have been through 6 rounds of edits over the last 5 weeks, and I was starting to think that we weren't going to get it ready in time for defense this summer. Which of course would mean I would have to extend my official graduation until December. I have focused on keeping positive energy in my life and have been using the visualization techniques that I learned from my running days to will all of this to happen. During the full marathon I ran, I kept focusing on seeing the finish line, pushing hard all the way to cross it, and the medal going over my head. I refused to let anything happen other than that. Now, I keep imagining over and over again my dissertation defense, my committee signing the official defense passed forms, and letting the celebrations begin. With two major surgeries in the 6 months immediately prior to finishing my degree, I have been on a wing and a prayer trying to finish out my final requirements through all the pain, loss of my independence, and learning how to walk again.
The hiring paperwork I was working on needed my signature, so I had to figure out how to get it printed, scanned, and emailed back. A few blocks from my building is an office services store. My other option was to take public transportation to my university and use their facilities. I decided to take a gamble and go on an adventure to the office supply store.
I set out with my walker and a determined mindset. Nothing was going to stop me from returning the paperwork immediately. I have worked tirelessly in my academic career to reach the highest point...a terminal degree in my field...a PhD. Not only that, but all the sacrificed time and lost life opportunities compared to same aged peers, because I have had to commit wholly to 12-16 hr days for the last several years of my life, during the academic years, and straight through the summers, to make this dream come true. I worked that hard to be in the fortunate position I am in, to have landed a full time job in my field, back in my home state, only 2 hours away from my family. It feels good to know that my sacrifices were worth something. Returning to school full time, just two weeks after my first surgery, and working on dissertation edits, just 4 days after my second surgery, was all worth something.
Dream job...landed.
My journey to the office store was difficult, taking me 20+ minutes, and several breaks, to go the distance of a leisurely paced 5 minute walk, but I made it. I felt my foot throbbing in the boot. It definitely swelled from the heat and the exhaustion of the trip. While I was at the office store turning in my hiring paperwork, my advisor cc'd me on the email of my final draft being sent to my committee, proof that my dissertation is fully out of my hands now. I am waiting on approval from them that it is ready to defend, and then we just have to set the date and time!
When I got finished, I decided to celebrate by eating out at a restaurant that was in the same area as the store. I sat there relaxed, not rushing, for once in my life. I took in the sun, and the people, and had an overwhelming feeling of relief. All of this pressure to stay on this daunting graduation timeline through my surgeries, to find a job, and to figure out what to do with my life was lifted.
Later, one of my steri-strips fell off after my shower. My heel is now starting to scab over.
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Reflection
On the same day, I sealed the deal with my new job, and with my current university to finish my degree this summer. Things are finally going my way and I am starting to live the life that I want to live. I have always lived by the quote, "A wise man does what he has to now to ensure success later in life." I've made it to the later in life part...finally. Even though my life has turned out very different than I pictured in the physical department, I am finding a way to keep my hopes and dreams alive, finding a way to stay positive through all of this, and finding my independence again. Ultimately, I have chosen to find the person I used to be and figure out how to live her life, just with some special adjustments.
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