For the last two days, I have been at a conference for the doctoral fellowship that I had during my PhD studies. (Side Note: The flight was no problem!) Upon graduating with your PhD, and completing the fellowship program, you are jacketed (you get a special "members only" style jacket), and you have to give a speech about your journey to the attendees of the conference (future, current, and alumni fellows and university administrators).
I have been thinking about the speech from probably the beginning of my journey as a PhD student, since the first conference that I experienced the graduating fellows giving their speeches. What would I share? What is going to be my legacy? What could I possibly say to inspire someone else to continue on their journey (like the speeches of those that came before me inspired me to continue mine)?
Those questions were a lot harder before my surgeries. As I've reported on my previous posts, one of the greatest things I have gained from this experience is perspective.
The impossible tasks one has to complete to earn a PhD became absolutely menial compared to the biggest struggle of my life, which has been surviving these surgeries and fighting for my will to walk and be active again.
I shared my struggles of completing my PhD, and especially highlighted this past year and how my initial running injury and the surgeries complicated things.
I shared a few quotes with them (many I have already shared on this blog), sprinkled through my speech:
"Getting a PhD is like an endurance event, it's not about speed or natural talent, it's about who can hang on the longest and who will refuse to quit." -result of a conversation between me and my fellow PhD students at my university
"It doesn't matter how slow you go, because you are lapping everyone on the couch"
"If you can't fly, then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward"- Martin Luther King Jr.
Lastly,
"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet" -Jean Jacques Rousseau
I was not sure how I would react to sharing my story about my feet publicly for the first time. This has been such an emotional journey for me with many more lows than highs. I don't think there is a question about whether or not I know what rock bottom is. I thought that I might cry the first time I shared my story. Surprisingly, I was able to hold it together and present it like any good scientist would.
Focus on the facts, not the feelings!
There were so many gasps, and shocked and sympathetic faces out in the crowd. At the same time, I could see the joy coming over them as I came to the end of my story...which of course ended with me obtaining my PhD, landing a full-time faculty position, and WALKING! Cue roaring applause!!!
I was flattered. Extremely flattered and humbled that people were inspired by my story. I had quite a few people come up to me to congratulate me and tell me that they won't quit because of me. I was really moved when a group of first and second year fellows surrounded me and told me, almost in unison,
"We want to be you when we grow up." This is what was going on in my head, and was probably also all over my face: What???? You want to be me??? I'm only 25 years old. I'm not grown up yet, and I'm certainly not done yet.
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Reflection
I think I'm really finding that silver lining that everyone is always talking about. What an amazing experience for my story to be received that well. If me going through all of this inspires other people in any way, then it was worth it. I know that I have accomplished quite a lot for a young person, so my job is to stay humble, and keep working! I'm not sure what my future holds, but I am certainly stronger than I was pre-surgeries. You know what they say, "What doesn't kill you....."
