*Right: 1 month (4 week) surgery anniversary*
*Left: 6 month (24 week) surgery anniversary*
So here I am, 6 months post surgery I and 1 month post surgery II.
Where did I think I would be at 6 months? Running. Preparing for a triathlon. Going to the beach. Going out. Shopping. Enjoying my last summer in my college town.
Where am I instead? Stuck non-weight bearing in a boot on my right foot, still going through hell. My left foot doesn't cause me any pain anymore, so that is definitely a success of the surgery. It is still tight and achy, mainly in the mornings and at night. I can't do a single heel raise on it yet. I definitely can't hop on it either, which has made this non-weight bearing stage much harder. I really hope that the delay in it's progression due to having to go through surgery on the right won't prevent it from fully recovering in the long run.
This post is hard for me to write because I had so many hopes and dreams before the first surgery of being back in action by summer, even if I couldn't race yet. I expected to at least be able to train in my three disciplines (swimming, biking, and running). It didn't really hit me until now, because with this second surgery, I have really tried to not focus on the things that I am missing out on. The list would be as long as Santa's at this point. I am putting all of my energy into my recovery, graduating, and moving on with my life. No time for letting my mind wander into the depths of despair.
What have I learned?
To be patient.
To let go: of the past, of the future I had imagined, of the pain and heartache.
To live in the present.
To accept the things that I cannot change and that my life will never be the same.
To not take my health for granted.
To focus on small successes.
To find the light in hell, some semblance of happiness, and things to laugh about.
To work hard and keep going even when the finish line is nowhere to be found.
To get my work done under any circumstances.
To live a sedentary lifestyle.
To tolerate watching tv and sitting on my butt all day long.
To cross-stitch.
To navigate life on one weak foot while the other recovers from surgery (twice).
To ignore my footwear not matching my outfits and being ridiculously unstylish...well only outside of a nursing home.
To focus on the things that are truly important in life.
and...
To believe that quitting is not an option.
No comments:
Post a Comment