Day 75: Workout Progress

I took yesterday off, and got back at it today.

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10 mins bike

Treadmill- 8 mins (1.2 mph) for 0.15 miles

2 x 10 arm circuit

Balance on mat- 40 x knee raises, abduction, leg back, and 3 x 30 seconds on one foot

40 x abduction and knee raises

Treadmill- 5 mins (1.2 mph) for 0.1 miles

18 lb bar- 3 x 10 squats, 20 shrugs, 10 dead lifts, 10 clean shrugs

5 x 20 ab/push-up circuit

16 mins hybrid trainer

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Another tough 2 hours, but I made it.  Some heel pain with the treadmill, but I made it further today.

Day 73: Return to the Treadmill

With my therapist's approval...I decided to try the treadmill today.  I literally can't remember the last time I have been on a treadmill.

I cautiously stepped on and started it up.  Luckily this treadmill starts at 0.6 mph, most treadmills start at 1.0 mph.  Let me tell you...I never thought that going at 0.6 mph was going to be so difficult.  I felt like a baby calf or a baby deer when they come into the world and try to walk for the first time.  I had to hang on to the rails as if my life depended on it.  I worked my way up to 1.0 mph, but I could only tolerate a total of 5 minutes on the treadmill before my heel gave me intense pain.

Later on, I went to the gym and did a real workout.

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Treadmill- 5 minutes (1 at 1.0, 1 at 1.2, 1 at 1.3, 1 at 1.4, and 1 at 1.5) for a total of 0.1 miles

Bike- 10 minutes

18 lb bar- 3 x 10 squats, 20 shrugs, 10 dead lifts, 10 clean shrugs

Balance on mat- 40 x knee raises, abduction, leg back

Treadmill- 5 mins (same as above)

Leg Press- 40 x 60 lbs

40 squats with ball between wall and back

3 x 30 sec balance on one leg

3 x 20 sec plank circuit

3 x 10 shoulder circuit

10 mins arc trainer (interval level 2)

10 mins bike

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What a fun 2 hours!  And then acetaminophen, icing, and elevating.

Day 72: PT Session #10

After a busy morning, managing pretty well at school in my shoe and brace, I headed to therapy.

This session, my therapist pushed me further with both of my feet in shoes now.  I did a lot of balancing on my left leg, which pre-surgery, would have been impossible.  The most fun...and challenging...thing I did was throw a medicine ball at a trampoline while balancing on my left foot.  It was really difficult and I had to rest my foot in between throws, but I got through it.

My therapist challenged me to do a lot of different things with my left.  By the end of the session, I learned why.  He was testing me...and apparently, I passed with flying colors.  He told me that I could do ANYTHING at the gym, except for things involving running and jumping, of course.  I could now try to work up to using the treadmill, elliptical, arc trainer, etc, AND do pretty much any lifting exercises.

It is hard to describe the moment.  I had to ask him multiple times if he was serious.  After not really being able to do much at the gym, especially anything weight bearing (involving any standing or walking), for almost a year, I was absolutely elated.  I started to think of all the endless possibilities of exercises that I could add back into my routine.

When I got home, reality set in.  More acetaminophen and icing.

Day 71: First day at school without the boot

Today, I ventured off to school with my ankle brace and tennis shoe, and 1 crutch.   My therapist doesn't think I really need the crutch, but he said that it was wise to bring it as a sign for other people to give me some space.  Tripping and falling is not something I can afford with my baby ankle.

I had a lot going on at school, and surprisingly being without the boot made things a lot easier.  I didn't really realize how heavy and bulky it was until I was without it.

The good news is that with the brace and the shoe, I don't have the severe swelling issues I had in the boot .

Yesterday, I had to take extra strength acetaminophen, because walking in the shoe has brought my old friend, pain, back into my life.  Today was no different.

Day 70: 10 weeks + FWB in tennis shoe and brace

*10 week surgery anniversary*

Today is my 10 week surgery anniversary.  It is really hard to believe that I have made it 70 days already.

This week, my doctor wanted me to make the transition out of the boot to a tennis shoe and ankle brace.  I was afraid to really try it on my own, so I waited until PT.

PT Session #9

It started as all other sessions start, with my therapist massaging my scar tissue and working on my flexibility.  And then...he said it was time.  Instead of putting my shoe on the right and my boot on the left, I had to put my ankle brace and a shoe on my left.  This was the first time since my surgery that I wore a shoe on my left foot.  70 days of casts and my boot....and now I'm in a shoe!

The first few steps were wonky.  I had to walk a few laps around the facility.  I walked so slow it is not even funny.  I had to think about placing my foot down correctly every single step.  As with every transition, from cast to boot, pwb in boot to fwb in boot, to fwb in shoe, I had to start over from square one with my therapy exercises.  That is one of the things that makes recovering from a surgery like this so tough.  You take two steps forward and four steps back at every turn.

All in all, the session went well, and my therapist instructed me to get rid of the boot for good and only wear my brace and tennis shoe from now on.  This was more scary than I expected, because my foot felt so safe and protected in the boot.

Day 63: 9 weeks + Another IMPOSSIBLE Tuesday and PT Session #7

*9 week surgery anniversary*

ALARM 6:30 am

Only got 6 hours of sleep, and woke up just 7 hours after taking a percocet last night.  Duty calls...so I had to get up.

My ankle was still in pain and swollen.  I am starting to think that my foot is really not liking even low levels of full-weightbearing.  It also still absolutely HATES not being elevated.

I had a meeting at school from 9:00-11:30 am, but I was able to elevate my foot on my walker the entire time.  My foot was ok at that point.

Then, I had to do class prep and teach my class from around 11:45 am-2:30 pm.  For almost 3 hours, I was standing most of the time and "walking" around.  The lab was really involved and I had no choice but to be on my feet.  By the time my students left, my ankle was SCREAMING and SHOUTING for me to elevate and/or ice it.  I didn't think I would make it from the building to my car, even with the assistance of my walker.

I had to hurry because I had my PT appointment at 3:00 pm.  When I got to the car, I took a deep breath, shamefully popped some acetaminophen pills (2 days of drugs!), and drove to my appointment.  My foot was still in a lot of pain, so I had to use my walker to get in the clinic.

I was so disturbed by another IMPOSSIBLE day at school that it was hard to focus on my exercises.  My therapist could tell that I was having a rough day and offered all the support and encouragement he could.  He also added some fuel to the fire by making me work on my toes. Since I had my flexor digitorum longus transferred (flexes small toes) and I have been non-weight bearing for so long, I have poor control of them.  He had me try to spread my toes and then curl them to scruntch up a towel.  My challenge was to keep opening and closing my toes to scruntch the entire towel all the way to me.  It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in PT so far.  I told my therapist that I really don't like doing things that I am not good at, I mean who does?  I understand that I have a lot of work to do to get the function back in my foot and that I am going to have to do tough things, but it doesn't feel good to not be able to do things.  There is just so much I can't do right now, add scruntching a towel with my toes to that list.

After that, he made me pick up the marbles with my toes.  My toes were so tired from the towel scruntching that I couldn't really do that either.  This session was going from bad to worse.

We finally got over to the training area to do some exercises.  He made me do 40 forward step-ups and 40 lateral step-ups on my bad leg.  That tired me right out.

I then had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball balanced between my back and the wall.  Want to talk about tough...geez.

Next up, my most favorite exercise to hate, weighted abduction and knee ups.  He made me do 60 lbs this week! Up from 50 last week.  Luckily, he cut the reps down to 30.  He also made me do 30 leg curls at 60 lbs.

Silly me thinking I was done...off to 20 minutes on the bike.

I told my therapist that he won today.  He said, "When I win, you win."  I don't admit defeat often, but as he pointed out...the more I am challenged in PT, the more progress I will make.

Ice.

2 hours later, I was finally released to go home.

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Every Tuesday, I have high hopes that I will get through the day without breaking down and wanting to quit everything. I am still waiting for that day to come.  Sadly, I know that the old me died 63 days ago.  This new me is nowhere near as strong and resilient to adversity.  Life=STRUGGLE for me and it really makes me question if this is all worth it.

Day 62: PAIN

The day started out well with my second gym workout and my first official at home PT session (since my PT wants me to do my usual Monday exercises at home, so we can save sessions for later).  The workout was great! I have missed pushing myself dearly.  I can't do anything close to what I could do before, but its a start.

I iced and elevated my leg for a few hours before heading to school.  When I got there, I took a midterm and then studied for an upcoming midterm in a computer lab.  The reason why I am sharing this is that these activities weren't conducive to me elevating my leg.  In total, my leg was down for 5 hours.  It was bothering me quite a bit during that time.  When I got home and took my boot off, no surprise, my foot was extremely swollen.  Not only was it swollen it was irritated and painful.

I iced and elevated as soon as I got home but it didn't even make a dent in the pain I was feeling.  I pondered taking acetaminophen, but I knew I was going to need something stronger.

So...

I broke down and took a percocet!

I only took percocet the first 2.5 weeks, 1 pill around week 4, and this one around week 9.  I absolutely HATE taking medicine.  I just don't won't that junk in my body.  

All in all, I can say that it was worth taking the pill because the pain decreased significantly and I was able to get some rest.

Day 61: Scar Update

Some muscle is coming back to my left leg and my scars are looking much more healed.

First workout at the gym

After resting from my trip to the grocery store, I went to my building's gym. When I got to the pool deck that you have to walk across to get to the gym, it hit me that I hadn't set foot there in >2 months.  It was a place that I had so commonly frequented to get in my triathlon swim training and to visit the gym.  I stood there for more than a minute to take the moment in.  While I still can't "walk," I am making some major progress because just being able to get there from my apartment is a victory.

Gym workout:

10 min seated bike

Boot off for ankle ROM exercises.

Boot back on.

2 x 10 seated rows (60 lbs)

2 x 10 lat pulldowns (60 lbs)

2 x 10 seated arm curls (30 lbs)

2 x 10 shoulder abduction

2 x 20 seated ab machine (90 lbs)

2 x 20 seated back extension (110 lbs)

4 x 10 seated leg press (80 lbs)

40 bodyweight standing abduction and adduction with each leg

40 bodyweight standing knee raises with each leg

2 x 4 shoulder superset exercises x 10 reps

40 shoulder shrugs

40 squats with a 12 lb bar

20 dead lifts with a 24 lb bar

20 clean pulls with a 24 lb bar

20 mins bike, mountain climbing program

stretching

ankle ROM exercises


When I finished, the sun was still out, so I sat with my leg elevated on some patio furniture.  I sat for about 30 mins with my eyes closed letting my skin soak in the rays.  I haven't been outside more than a few minutes here and there for 2 months.  In that moment, I was really happy, because as I sat there with my eyes closed, I imagined all the training I have done with the sun beaming down on my skin.  I am dreaming of those days to return.  I have 9 more days before I can get back to swimming.

Ice

Day 60: First walking trip to the grocery store

I felt adventurous today and was looking for an excuse to get some walking in.  I needed to return some dvds that I rented last night, so I decided to walk the ~3 blocks to the grocery store.  I used my walker to help me get there, and I needed it, BIG TIME, especially on the way back.  Walking there took quite a while, >20 mins (normally a 5 min walk for me).  By the time I got there, my heel started bothering me.  I returned my movies and got a sub sandwich.  I then made the trek back to my apartment.

Had I tried this adventure without an assistive device, I wouldn't have made it.  Walking on hard ground is still really hard for me at this point.

I am not sure when I will try this challenge again, but one day I'll be able to walk to the grocery store without an assistive device.  I can't wait for that day.

Day 59: First time using a regular grocery cart

I went to the grocery store and used a REGULAR CART!!!!  I hobbled to the store entrance from my handicapped parking spot and got a cart.  From then on, I used the cart as my "walker" to slowly, VERY slowly, navigate through the store.  It took me forever, but I was happy to walk around the store as close to normal as I could.

My heel was screaming in pain by the time I made it back to my apartment, but as always, it was totally worth it because it was one more step in the direction of progress.

PT Session #6

I decided to be extra-bold and walk into my PT appointment without any assistive device.  Granted, I don't have to walk very many steps to get in and around the clinic, but I did it!

Massage and ROM exercises.

While I was talking with my PT, he told me that my foot was doing much better.  He said that I am almost there in terms of getting functional ROM back, and that my skin felt much more plush and supple.  He said that those were all really good signs.  I ventured to ask him if he ever thought that I would be able to wear heels again.  He said, "Yes, definitely!"  I couldn't believe this.  He reiterated that the other people he has treated after this surgery are much older and have many other problems that prevent them from making full recoveries.  He is confident that I will get all of my function back, it will take a long, long, long, long time, but I will get my life back, eventually.

Boot back on.

40 "Leg Presses" on the pilates reformer because the Leg Press machine was broken.

40 step ups on about a 1.5 foot step.

40 leg curls (50 lbs).

40 weighted (50 lbs) standing abduction and adduction each leg.

40 weighted (50 lbs) knee ups each leg.

30 minutes on the seated exercise bike.

Ice.

When I was done, I went over to tell my therapist that I would be seeing a new person on Monday because the other PT I see wasn't available that day.  Much to my surprise, he told me to cancel the appointment because he said that I only need to come see him 2 days a week at this point.  I was devastated.  Lately, the best days of my week are when I am at PT because I know I get to work towards making major progress.  And, I really enjoy the environment.  Everyone in the clinic is rooting for me to succeed and providing support to me at such a crucial time.  Last weekend, I was at the end of my rope with all of this.  Now, I have gotten a shred of hope back.

His reasoning is that with my fitness background, I can do these exercises at my home gym on my own.  He wants to save visits so that we can stretch out the total therapy time for when I am back on my feet and jumping and running.  I understand his reasoning, but I definitely will be sad come Monday, when I am not making a trip to the PT clinic.

Day 58: Progress

Making some major progress.  I have been practicing full-weight bearing in my boot around my apartment.  It hurts my heel, but I can do it.  I can feel pain along the line that my heel is broken.  It kind of feels like there is no cushion on the bottom of my foot, as if my bone is making direct contact with concrete (even when I am walking on carpet).

Last night, I got frustrated with sleeping with my legs elevated, so I pushed the pillows out of the foot of my bed and slept without elevation.  I was scared that I was going to wake up in the middle of the night with my ankle throbbing in pain.  Surprisingly, I didn't.  My ankle was a little swollen when I woke up, but it was a small price to pay for a good night's rest.

When I took a shower today, I didn't have much time, so I tried to do it standing.  I put about 20% weight on my surgery foot and used it primarily for balance.  I did have to sit on my shower chair from time to time to rest, but nonetheless, got through most of the shower standing.

Add this day to the small victory category.

Day 56: 8 weeks + PT Session #5

*8 week surgery anniversary*

Took my crutches into the appointment this time.  No walker.

Massage and ROM exercises.

Put the boot back on.

40 squats.

40 weighted (50 lbs) standing leg abduction and adduction each leg.

40 leg press (90 lbs).

40 leg curls (50 lbs).

Ice.

Cracked iPad

After my PT appointment, I went to the apple store for my appointment with the Genius Bar.  Last week, I was pushing my iPad on my walker in my apartment and it fell on the carpet.  I went to pick it up and noticed that the screen was SHATTERED.  Of course, I was so upset, as if I needed anything else broken at this point.

My iPad was out of warranty so I had to pay the replacement fee to get a new one.

Oh well...another casualty of this war.

Day 55: PT Session #4

Today, I worked with the female PT that originally evaluated me.  This is the day that my doctor wanted me to start working towards full weight bearing in the boot.  I thought that I would get away with this PT not knowing (because I didn't think I was ready), but my therapist made sure she was well aware.

The appointment started as it always does, massage and ROM exercises.  Then she asked me to put the boot back on and said we are going to see what I could do.  She went and found a cane for me to use to get around their training area.  Using the cane was the hardest part.  I have learned very well during this whole experience that I would suck as an old person.  I guess it is good that when I get old, I will have had some practice with all of these assistive devices.

We walked a loop around their "indoor track" and then over to their functional training area.  It was very strange with the cane as my only support.  In the functional training area, she made me do 40 squats while holding on to a balance bar.  Then she made me do step-ups with my injured foot stepping up and pulling my good foot up to my chest.  She only had 1 layer of a step on the ground, so I only had to step up a few inches.  40 of those.  Then, she made me do 40 leg presses (90 lbs), 40 leg extensions (45 lbs), and 40 leg curls (45 lbs).  I used both legs for all of these exercises because my left leg is not strong enough to be isolated yet.

Ice, Ice, baby.

When I got home, I pushed myself in a 30 minute interval ride on my bike trainer.  I then did some functional training and ab exercises, and of course my at home PT exercises.

Day 54: Spring Broken

Today is March 10th, 2013.  One year ago, on March 10th, 2012, I ran my first full marathon, 26.2 miles up, down, and through the Red Rock Canyons of Las Vegas, Nevada.  It was the best experience of my entire life.  I faced the darkness pushed through it and came out on the other side a champion ready to conquer the world.  Little did I know that a year later I would be faced with this great challenge.

Today, I can't walk.

I can't walk.

I can't even walk.

It is an understatement to say that today has been a rough day for me.  I am off next week for Spring Break, however I can't do anything that I normally do, including travel, swim, or go to the beach.

The only good news I have today is that my last big scab finally fell off.

Day 53: Basketball Game Breakdown

My team ended up losing our first home game of the season when I went to the game earlier this week.  That was my first time being able to catch a game in person all season due to my surgery recovery.  I am a die-hard fan and it has nearly killed me not being able to attend the games.

Even though the basketball game contributed to pushing my ankle too far, I couldn't miss this game because it was our last regular season game of the year and it had championship implications.

I arrived to the game two hours early so that I could make sure I got in and got a decent seat, in a handicapped section, of course.  I went to the same section that I had sat in before and got situated.  A few minutes before the game started, an usher let all of these rude men sit in the other chairs in the handicapped section all around me.  I knew I wouldn't make it through much of the game with these men sitting so close to me on either side.

I then ventured off to another handicapped section that no one was sitting in at the time.  I got situated again and the game started.  A few minutes in, these people came demanding that I was in their section.  They said that they had tickets for those handicapped seats and were talking rudely about me being in their section.  Without approaching me and asking me to move, they started calling for a supervisor and literally went off the deep end when he came.  They insulted me and my character and even questioned my education.  All the while, I was only in that section because the usher permitted me.

It is hard to put the experience in words, but I felt like a second class citizen.  I had no option but to sit in the handicapped section, and I was being kicked out to yet another section.  I literally lost it, rushed out, and had a breakdown in the corridor.  The manager came and talked me into coming back and getting me a seat in another handicapped section.  Me, that was hours early, had now had to move for the third time.  If I wasn't disabled, I would have been in the first row of the student section cheering my head off, instead I was crying my eyes out over how I had been treated and the scene that was made.  I literally spent the entire game crying which was temporarily suspended when my team clenched a regular season championship.

I was down the rest of the day, and the weekend for that matter, yearning for the day that I would be able to live my life without a disability again.  Meanwhile, I am waiting, wishing, and praying that that day will come for me.

Day 51: PT Session #3

I feverishly iced and elevated my ankle through the night and all day before my PT appointment.  I didn't want my PT to get on my case for pushing my ankle too far yesterday. Luckily, I was able to get the swelling down in time for it to look "normally" swelled for my appointment.

We went through the typical massage and ROM game.  We did do something new to work on my toe strength.  My therapist had me pick up marbles and put them in a container.  It was actually really fun.  My ankle was also able to handle being iced through the GameReady, which ices and compresses at the same time.  At the earlier appointments, my ankle was too sensitive for the compression.

Progress is progress.

Day 50: 12 hour day

12 hours on campus today!!!

noon: Attended the dissertation defense of one of my dear friends.

3 pm: celebration lunch with the new doctor

5-7:40 pm: Class

8:00 pm: Dinner

8:30 pm-11:30 pm: Attended my school's college basketball game with a friend

12 am: Arrived back home

This is the price I have to pay:

PT Session #2

Today, I got to see my real therapist.  He was out yesterday, which is why I had someone different for my initial evaluation.  I repeated my whole story of how I injured myself and came to making the decision to get the surgery, the same story that I told in detail to the other therapist the day before.  I didn't mind because I have only had to tell the story a thousand times.  Everyone that has seen my cast/boot wants to know what I did, even strangers, or I should say especially strangers.

When I took my sock off, he exclaimed, "WOW, look at your scars!"  I was like yeah I know, they are terrible.  He didn't agree, he said that they look wonderful for only being 7 weeks out from my surgery.  He couldn't believe how healed they looked.  I was surprised by his reaction, but glad to hear that he said my healing was ahead of schedule.

He massaged my foot and focused on releasing some of the scar tissue.  We then did some ROM exercises with a band.  I had trouble pulling my foot upwards because it pulled on my newly lengthened calf too hard.  He told me that I was going to have to work on that by doing isometric contractions with a towel stretched around either side of my foot.

The session went pretty well.  He said that I could expect an excellent recovery and that he looked forward to getting me back to my next marathon.  It will take some serious convincing on my doctor's and PT's part to get me to consider long distance running again after everything I have been through.

Day 49: 7 weeks + Teaching Reality

*7 week surgery anniversary*

I had to teach again today which has gotten increasingly harder since I teach a lab.  The activities are becoming more involved as the semester goes on.  I have no help at this point except for using my students to help me set-up, clean-up, and conduct the practical activities.  These are all things that I am used to taking care of.  Unfortunately, using class time to do these things is taking away from the educational opportunities of my students.

I feel just terrible about it, but I am doing the best that I can.  For all people considering getting this surgery, make sure that the people that are set up to assist you at your work while you are still recovering actually want to help you.  Being assigned by a superior means nothing if the people don't actually care that you are disabled and can't do everything by yourself anymore.

For those people reading that are abled bodied, when you see a disabled person, offer to help them.  This is such a hard life and any help we can get is greatly appreciated.

Day 48: First day of PT!

The entire time since my surgery, the only thing that I could do to help my healing is to keep my foot iced and elevated.

Now that I can go to PT, I get to actively work towards getting my life back.

My prescription is for 3x a week, with the goal of working towards full weight bearing in a boot after 2 weeks, and in an ankle brace and tennis shoe at 4 weeks.  I think these timelines are absolutely crazy, but we shall see if I can do it.

The first appointment was an evaluation.  I was told to take my boot and shoe and socks off.  The PT took all kinds of measurements of my legs and feet.  The most interesting facts were that my left calf is 5 cm in circumference less than my right calf, and the swelling around my left ankle was 3 cm more than my right ankle.  I knew that my leg muscles had atrophied quite a bit, but after this evaluation it was apparent that I have a lot of work to do to get not only my muscle strength back but my ankle flexibility.

My PT ended up touching my foot much more aggressively than I was comfortable with because my incisions were still really raw.  She told me that I had to get used to it!  We did a few ankle range of motion (ROM) exercises and then they iced my ankle.

She gave me some at home exercises to do and sent me on my way.  

Day 47: Scar Update

My scabs are finally falling off.  I received strict instructions not to pick at them.  I can't wait till they all are no more.

Day 46: Grocery Store Trip

Today, I decided to make a trip to the grocery store.  Gone are the days that I simply push my personal shopping cart a few blocks to the grocery store and push it right back.  I have dreaded every trip to the grocery store since my surgery.  There have only been a few because I only go when I absolutely have to.

Now, I have to get myself to the parking deck and drive my car to the store.  I can't bring my cart because I can't push it since I need either crutches or my walker to get around.  When I get to the store, I have to use my crutches to get to the motorized store cart.  I then start my adventure navigating through the maze that is the grocery store with people to dodge everywhere.

Surprisingly, this was my best trip yet.  Apparently, people are not as rushed at the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon.

After I purchase my groceries, I have to drive the cart to my car and unload my cart while balancing on one foot.  I then have to drive the cart back to the store and use my crutches to return to the car.

When I get back home, I have the creative challenge of figuring out how to get my groceries up to my apartment.  Now that I have my rolling walker, they hitch a ride on it.  When I was non-weight bearing with my crutches, I had to limit my groceries to 1 bag, which was all I could manage to get from my car to my apartment.  My life is getting a tiny bit easier day by day with my ability to get around with my walker.

Day 45: Walking Adventure

I live in a metropolitan area that has many amenities, restaurants, and stores within walking distance.  In fact, before this injury, I rarely used my car.  I have so longed to take my normal paths, but that requires being able to walk.

Today, it was time to upgrade my cellphone and I noticed that there was a store in the shopping plaza that I live two blocks from.  With my successful adventure to the Chinese restaurant yesterday, I wanted to see if I could make it.

I had to take several breaks along the way, and deal with everyone staring at me, but I made it!  Not only did I upgrade my phone, I also got some take-out from one of my favorite restaurants that I have had to live without since my surgery because they don't deliver.

Sure, my foot was sore, and I had to do some serious icing and elevating when I got back, but I call today a success!