Year 2: May Update

*Left: 17 months*   *Right: 12 months*

May was a pretty great month.

The ups were that I was able to get my first pedicure since my surgeries (even though the nail lady was quite alarmed by all of my scars), completed a sprint triathlon, my first race since my surgeries, and finished my first year as a college professor with a bang.

The downs came at the end of the month.  I traveled to the major conference in my field, and by the time I finished flying, got checked into the hotel, and met up with my colleagues, my feet were screaming!  At a conference, there is so much walking, and on top of that all of the restaurants were a mile or more away from the hotel.  The first night I had to stop and rest on the side of the road while my group waited for me.  I told them to go ahead and that I would catch up with them later, but they refused to go.  As much as I know they were trying to support me, it made me feel terrible because I felt like a second class citizen again.  One that can't keep up with basic activities of daily living.  After my feet were so inflamed and painful the first day, it was hard to get them back to a happy place with all the walking that was ahead of me in the following days at the conference.  Not to mention having to stand for close to 2 hours in front of the scientific poster that I presented.

The trip did end on a high note with a visit to Disney. With the help of my ankle braces and tennis shoes, I did close to 30,000 steps and conquered Magic Kingdom just fine.

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Reflection

I'll never be able to snap my fingers and say that my recovery is over, that my feet are perfect again, that I won't be held back by them at all.  What I do need to do is continue to stay positive and focused on moving through the struggles instead of getting caught in clouds of doubt and worry.

Race Day!!! 1st since surgeries...

Sprint Triathlon #1
I did it! I have officially returned to racing!!!

Date: May 17th, 2014
Event: Sprint Triathlon (300m pool swim,12.1 mile bike, 5k run)
Time: 1:45:27 
(Swim: 7:59, T1: 1:38, Bike: 51:35, T2: 2:23, Run: 41:51)
Age Group Place (25-29): Last...8/8

Days since last race: 615= 1 year, 8 months, and 8 days

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Now that you have the stats, here is the story:

Yesterday, I went to pick up my race packet (race number, bike markings, swim cap, race day info).  It was surreal going to a packet pick up again. It has been nearly 2 years since I have raced, and a small part of me thought that this day would never come.  Luckily, most of me knew that I wouldn't accept that I would never race again.  Every race before this one, I have felt a mix of emotions from nervousness to excitement, but never fear, like today.  Fear that I would re-injure my feet, fear that I wouldn't be able to finish the race, fear that I am not an athlete who can conquer amazing feats anymore.  When I got home, I arranged all of my gear, ate an early and "clean" dinner and got to bed.  My parents came up for the race, so it was nice to have them there to support me.  I tried to get the best night of rest that I could, but I spent most of the night entertaining my fears and playing the race through my head over and over again to make sure that I was ready.

Putting on my timing chip

On race day, I got up, got dressed, gathered my things, and took off. When I got to the race, I unpacked my things and set up my transition area, went and got my body markings, and timing chip, all the usual pre-race rituals.

Since this was a pool swim triathlon, athletes were started one by one.  I had over an hour wait before my start time based on my seed time of 2:00 min for 100yds at my 300m pace.  For reasons unbeknownst to me, the race directors started the super fast people first as expected, and then let the ultra beginners go next.  Some of them were running, literally aqua jogging through the pool instead of swimming.  I was happy to see so many beginners out there, everyone has to start somewhere, but having to watch each and every one of them go before I could start my race....before passing them on the bike course was less than ideal.

The Swim- 300m Pool Swim (7:59 including exiting the pool and running to transition)

Average Pace: 2:39 per 100m

Heading towards the exit!

This leg was the one that I was the most confident about pre-race.  I have been swimming with a Master's swim team since January, and have improved so much.  Based on my training, I should have swam faster, but my race didn't go exactly as planned.  First, the water was freezing.  It was technically wet suit legal, with the water in the low 70s.  When I got in for my warm-up swim, I felt all of my body just lock up.  I did as much swimming as I could in the small warm-up area, and got back in my place to start the race.  Before I knew it, the race director said you're up....and shortly after...GO! The moment I have been waiting for is finally here!!! Swimming at race pace was just as bad as the warmup, I ended up gasping for air, feeling semi-asthmatic with how cold the pool was. Second, A guy was started just 15 seconds in front of me.  I was really scared of possibly running into him, so I swam with my head in a more upright poisition than I should have, which comprimised quite of bit of the swimming technique that I gained and took a bite out of my speed.  Third, I have to learn to be more assertive in tri swimming.  I slowed my pace throughout most of the race to stay behind him because I felt it rude to pass him.  But then...I got my chance!  He paused at a wall to take a breath about halfway through the swim, and I took that opportunity to do an open turn under the lane line over to the next lane, and ahead of him to complete the pass.  I was laughing in my head when I completed the pass, because I knew my swim coach would get a kick out of how I used the turn technique he taught me to get ahead.  I quickened my pace over the last 100m and opened up at least a 3 body length gap between the guy I passed and those that were catching up behind him (someone entered a too fast seed time, but I am not pointing any fingers).  The funniest part of this story was watching the video footage that my parents captured of this.  We noticed that the guy I passed gave me a double-take astonished look when he realized how much room I had opened up between us when I went to do my last 50.  Absolutely hilarious!  All in all, my swim time was closer to 7 mins for the 300m. The rest of the time went to exiting the pool and making it to my bike in the transition area.

As glad as I was to get out of that cold pool, having to "run" with wet, bare feet to my bike in the transition area was scary.  Tennis shoes give me wings...much needed support for my feet that help me cover much more distance with less stress to my feet.  I've talked about this in my blog before, but anyone with any kind of foot/ankle problems can relate.  All in all I made it, changed into my bike gear and headed out of transition.

The Bike- 12.1 miles (51:35)

Average Speed: 14.07 mph

This portion of the race was almost over before it began.  Not even 5 feet from the mount line, just when I clipped in and started my first few pedal strokes, a golden retriever decided that it was a great idea to cross right in front of my bike.  I screamed to the top of my lungs and focused on hitting the breaks enough to avoid it, but not so much that I would go flying over the handlebars.  I just missed the dog and then had to find my composure to keep my bike moving forward and had to get my head back focused on the race.  Of course I had a tricky descent and subsequent climb, plus a few turns to make right out of transition, so I didn't really catch my breath and regain my composure until I was a couple of miles in and to a flatter portion of the race.  For a few minutes, I was just thinking, who would bring that dog to the tri?  Why wasn't it on a leash? And how was I the one that it nearly caused to crash? Me?!?!? Haven't I been through enough? Does this dog know how long I have waited and how hard I have fought in recovery for this day to come?!?!? 

Anyways...the rest of the bike course was uneventful until the last few miles, when a thought popped in my head that I didn't expect at all.   It first started with me questioning my excitement for transitioning to the run portion of the course.  I had an overwhelming feeling that I didn't want to do it.  Then I asked myself, why?  And then I came to my big realization, it is because I don't love running anymore.  All of this time spent so laser focused on being able to run again, and now I no longer love it. Running comes with great risk and discomfort for my feet now.  The benefits no longer outweigh the consequences.  I also decided that beyond the occasional 5k, I don't have a reason to do running specific races anymore.  The running that comes with triathlon is more than enough.

When I got back to the transition area, as soon as I racked my bike, my left calf started to cramp.  Not a little cramp, like completely locked up.  I was helpless, I had to just wait there until it passed before putting on my running shoes and heading out to the run course.  My transition time was one of the slowest out of all the racers (2:23), but that cramp wasn't going to let me move any faster.

I reminded myself leaving transition that this race isn't about racing the clock, it is about finishing.

The Run-5k (41:51)

Average Pace: 13:28 min/mile, Average Speed: 4.45 mph

"Sprinting" to the finish

As I regained my composure out of the transition, I settled into my pace and focused on putting one foot in front of the other.  I went with intervals, :45 jogging and 1:30 speed walking.  I later found out that my race plan wouldn't exactly work and had to adjust the intervals according to the terrain.  It was a pretty hilly course and my feet are no match for hills.  I used the downhills to my advantage and jogged faster through those.  As I closed in on the last 400m, the emotions started to hit me.  I could see the finish line ahead of me and I "sprinted" (which is a medium jog at my absolute top speed) the whole way without stopping.  When I laid eyes on my dad just before the finish line and saw his emotion, I nearly lost it.  He was video taping and all I could manage to say is that "I DID IT!"  My mom was just past the finish line and I later found out that she told the announcer about my story.  As I was crossing the finish line, I heard," ...she has survived two ankle reconstruction surgeries, was told she would never run again, and here she is crossing the finish line of a sprint triathlon!"

With that, I felt the weight of what I have been through lift from me and I felt as free as ever.  I felt that anything is possible again. 

After the race I found out that I finished last in my age group, who cares after what I have been through, but overall ahead of quite a few other racers. Lower than I normally fall, but I couldn't be more proud of what I accomplished today.  I also set a huge PR on my 5k time, beating my previous best at this distance by more than 10 minutes, set in January.

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Reflection

The long wait to return to racing is over, the heavy weight of all my doubts has been lifted, and I am excited to see what the future holds.  I'm no longer a victim of this tragedy...