Day 86 (226): PT Session #17 + Growing Up

I was so excited for therapy today because I wanted to show my therapist that I can do heel raises!  For the last few sessions, he has wanted me to really focus on trying to get this ability back.  My hw from last session was to, "Just raise your heels."  I think I deserve an A+ for that assignment :)

Elliptical-6 mins

Heel raises on step (lower heel below horizontal and raise above as far as possible)- 2 x 10

Step downs from a higher step than last session (modified for my left side)- 3 x 10

Step-ups from a 12 inch step (higher than last session) with the foam pad, 2 x 10 with a 5-second hold between each rep

Bungee cord walking, 10 x all 4 directions

Trampoline ball toss while balancing on a foam pad with 1 leg- 6 x 5 throws each leg

Manual Therapy- Both calves

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Reflection

Now that I can do heel raises, we were able to progress all of my exercises.  This really is the turning point, because I have all the general function back in my feet.  Going forwards, we need to work on fine-tuning their movement and prepare them for more advanced activities of daily living and high impact activities.

Today, I also realized how far I have come personally as a result of these difficult surgeries, earning a PhD, and beginning my career as a college professor.  I feel like I have aged a decade in a year.  Through situations that came up through the day, both professionally and personally, I realized that I have found my voice.  I was raised to be extremely polite, respectful, and obedient, which leads to a natural tendency of avoiding confrontation and making the best of any situation, no matter the circumstances.  I never complain.  The result: suffering in silence.  That is something I can no longer do.  I have been building my life back brick by brick since my surgeries, and I am choosing to learn from my struggles and new perspective to build an even better life than I had before.  Note to self: When a condition in my life is truly uncomfortable, I have to speak up.  Time is too priceless to waste it suffering unnecessarily when it is a situation that can be improved.

Day 84 (224): 3/8 month update + PT Session #16 + HEEL RAISES!!!

*Right: 12 week (3 month) surgery anniversary*

*Left: 32 week (8 month) surgery anniversary*


Today is my 3 month and 8 month surgery anniversaries.  The most important milestone is that I made it to the 3 month mark for the right.  3 months is the threshold between NWB/PWB/FWB with assistive devices to just FULL WEIGHT BEARING and returning to activity.  Next week I have my "3 month" checkup with my doctor.  I look forward to telling him all about how much progress I have made since he has last seen me, and of course since I moved away.

General updates: 

1) Both feet are tolerating much more standing and walking
2) They are doing well in "normal" shoes (Clark's flats)
3) Still elevating when I sleep and only when they bother me, but significantly less time than before
4) Still icing before going to bed every night
5) My shower chair is also still essential, especially for longer showers (like washing hair, shaving legs, etc.)  Shaving is still tough, because doing it standing requires you to stand on one leg for an extended period of time.  My feet do much better when they are sharing the weight between them.  I use a hybrid standing/sitting shaving system.
6) Let's not talk about stairs.  Those are just plain SCARY.
7) They are responding well to increased activity...other than the stairs issue
8) I can feel them getting stronger every day.

AND....

Today, I WAS ABLE TO DO HEEL RAISES!!!!  (Story below)

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PT SESSION #16

PT started off as usual with an update to my therapist about how my feet are doing.  I was excited to tell him about yesterday's accomplishments of making it through the day without orthotics or tennis shoes, walking down and then up a hill with no pain, returning to the pool, being able to kick off of the wall, and practicing my heel raises in the water.

Then...

Elliptical- 5 mins

Bungee cord walking, 10 x all 4 directions

Heel raises on the leg press, 3 x 15.  My therapist said that I was actually going past horizontal today!

Single leg press, 3 x 10.  My therapist estimated that he set the machine for 90 lbs.  90 lbs for a single leg to press!!!  It was definitely difficult, but I did it!

Step-ups with the foam pad, 2 x 10 with a 5 second hold between each rep.

Step-downs from a low step, 3 x 10 (Simulating the movement of stepping down from a stair).  I could step down with my left foot, stressing my right foot calf/foot ROM.  When I tried to step down with my right foot, on the second rep, I felt a sharp pain in my left posterior tibial tendon.  I kept doing reps thinking it would loosen up.  Nope.  It just got worse.  I told my therapist and he had me try on a lower step.  Still painful.  He had me slide my left foot forwards until my toes were off the step and then try stepping down with my right again.  This was much better, but still uncomfortable.  Now I know that my ability to go downstairs is more limited by my left foot than my right.

Calf stretch with the angled stretching block.  My left calf was really tight and it was the one limiting the stretch today.  I think that the "stairs" exercise aggravated it.

For manual therapy, my therapist had me do a combo e-stim/ultrasound on my left foot today instead of my right as usual.

Strengths:  I am improving, getting a lot stronger.  I left sweating today for the first time, so I am finally doing some serious work.

Weaknesses: My left foot is struggling, compared to the right.  I think that it is now going to return to being the limiting foot since it was the one more injured originally and had the much more extensive surgery.  My therapist had me sign up for another solid month of PT 2 times a week, up through mid October!  The journey continues...

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HEEL RAISES

When I got home, I was messing around after kicking my tennis shoes off.  I said to myself, "You did the heel raises so well in the water yesterday, you did better with the leg press heel raises in therapy today, why can't you do that on the ground?"  I tried, yet again to do heel raises, a movement that I haven't been able to do on my left foot for a year, my right for the last 4 months.  Today was the day that everything clicked, and those heels came right off the ground!!!  It took getting both of my ankles reconstructed, months and months of PT and at-home exercises, and fierce commitment from me to accomplish this goal.  All that really matters is that I am here.  Being able to do heel raises means that I will be able to do the toe-off motion for running.  I still have a lot of work to do before I can think about even power walking or slow jogging again, but today I took a MAJOR step in the right direction.  As my former therapist always says, "The finish line just got closer!"

Look at all that daylight under my heels!!!

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Reflection

Words can not describe how happy I am to be getting the function of my feet back.  My life as it stands currently is the most normal it has been since I originally injured my left foot in April of 2012.  I have been through so much since then and have worked my butt off in and out of therapy to get here.  Where I am today proves that staying committed, keeping a positive attitude, dropping expectations, and taking everything one day at a time is really the recipe for success to overcome any obstacle.

Day 83 (223): NO ORTHOTICS + First Swim!!!

First, I went to work in some new Clark's flats, straight from the old lady collection, but I didn't put my orthotics in them.  Guess what?  I survived the whole day without orthotics.  The first whole day without orthotics in well over a year.  Pain was minimal.

Not only that, but this afternoon, I spontaneously ended up walking down a giant hill and then back up it.  Feet were absolutely fine.  No pain.  Not even from my calves.

Then, today was the day that I decided it was time to return to the pool.  A colleague and I went to the on-campus pool during the faculty/staff swim hours.  A surprising number of people were there, all working on their fitness.

For me personally, it was a TRIUMPH.  I just gained another small piece of my life back.  I was so excited that I didn't slowly climb down the ladder to enter the pool, I JUMPED RIGHT IN!!!  I didn't push the swimming much.  I used a pull buoy to save my feet from having to kick for most of the laps.  Another small victory is the fact that I could push off the wall with BOTH feet.  No problems.

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Reflection

I felt ALIVE in the pool.  I FEEL ALIVE KNOWING THAT I CAN FINALLY RETURN TO LIVING AN ACTIVE LIFESTYLE.  So what if it is modified.

Today, I WON.  I won't give up my quest to return to being the active person I once was.  It is core to my personality and I just can't let my feet stop me.

Day 82 (222): Full Weekend

Friday

-8 hours at work
-dinner/jazz club with new colleagues
-Feet were HURTING.

Saturday

-A spontaneous all day mall trip.
-Feet were HURTING more.  Getting NUMB.

Sunday

-Couldn't resist working on getting rid of more boxes and organizing my apartment.
-12 hours later...feet were NUMB and OUCHY.

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Reflection

I am NOT going to let my feet stop me from doing what I want.  The pain is a small price to pay for some of my life back.

Day 79 (219): PT Session #15

My feet are still sore from teaching and school this week, but I am battling right through it.

PT is still moving in the right direction.

PT SESSION #15

5 mins elliptical

Bungee-cord walking, 10 x 4 directions

Leg press heel raises 3 x 15 (lighter weight than last session)

Single leg press 3 x 10

Step-ups with the foam pad 3 x 10

After, my therapist wanted me to try heel raises.  I failed, as usual.  I can just barely get some space between my heels and the ground, but I remain proud that I can put some space there.  That is something I couldn't do before my surgeries.  I was able to do them with my feet angled on the calf-wedge block.

Manual Therapy: Combo e-stim/ultrasound on calf

When my session ended, my therapist told me that his goal for me is to have me be able to do 10 single leg heel raises.  He says this is where I need to be before I can run again and that I will be in therapy until I can do that.  This journey is still oh so long...

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Reflection

It really hit me today how far I still have to go, but I remain committed and will work towards moving in the right direction everyday.

Day 77 (217): 11/31 week update

*Right: 11 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 31 week surgery anniversary*




Feet were still sore when I woke up.  It is mind over matter at this point.  I picked up my spirits and took myself to school with a positive attitude ready to tackle another busy day.

I made it.

Still waiting for it to get easier for my feet.

Day 76 (216): First day of school + PT Session #14

Today was the first day of school at my university.  It was the first day that I was not a student, rather the teacher.  It was my first day as a college professor.

I have two 50 min classes on Mondays and Wednesdays that are back to back.  Today, I stood for most of them and oh did my feet punish me.  I told my students about my surgeries so that they would understand if I was sitting or kneeling on a chair during class.  I wish I took a picture of their faces, because they were in utter shock to hear about the extensiveness of my surgeries.

I had to teach for 2 hours, had office hours for 2.5 hours, then off to PT, and back to school to meet with my online class in person.  Luckily, I will only have to meet with my late class a few times this semester.  That made for a packed day to have to return to school after PT to teach at 6:00 pm, especially since I had been at school since 9:00 am.


PT SESSION #14

Similar to last session:

7 mins elliptical

Heavier theraband for lateral walks (3 times across the therapy floor and back)

4 x 12 theraband leg press

Bungee-cord walks, 10 x all 4 directions

Step-ups on a higher step with a foam pad

Heel Raises from a step (FAILED)

3 x 10 Leg press heel raises

Manual Therapy: Combination e-stim/ultrasound on calf

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Reflection

Today was a great day.  I was absolutely exhausted by the end of it.  I have been out of the house for more than 10 hours, and at work the whole time, except for briefly leaving for PT.  What did I learn?  I can do it!  This was probably the hardest day I will have for the semester on my feet.  It was my first time challenging them to stand while teaching (3 classes!), PLUS walk around my building/school, PLUS tolerate not being elevated all day, PLUS push them in PT.  The important thing is that they made it. I will go to sleep with them sore, but I will wake up with them stronger.

Day 73 (213): PT Session #13

We started doing REAL exercises!!!!

I guess my therapist has been spending the first few sessions observing what I can do.  I know that I can do a whole lot more than he has had me do so far.  I haven't left one session with a drop of sweat on me yet.  At my old clinic, I would leave exhausted and absolutely soaked.

I did a warm-up on the elliptical and then my therapist had me put a theraband twisted in a figure 8 around my knees.  I had to walk laterally with the band on my knees up and back across the therapy floor 3 times.  When I was finished, he asked me, "Where did you feel the burn?"  I replied with, "What burn?" He gave me one of the easiest if not the easiest bands.  My legs are weak right now from going through these surgeries, but my legs are traditionally really strong.  That little weak band did nothing for me. Next, he put me on the leg press.  Finally back to the leg press in therapy.  I was doing that weeks ago when I was in therapy in my former city.  He put a weight that he thought that I should do.  It was too easy.  He loaded more weight on and I did 4 x 10 reps with the band still on my knees.  Again.  Not that difficult.  Next, I did step-ups with a foam pad on top of the step.  He started me at a really low step height.  I have been doing step-ups on my own and I had been doing them in therapy on a higher step before I moved.  I haven't had to balance on a foam pad in a while because I don't have one of those at my apartment, so I will have to get used to that again, but again the step-ups were easy.

Next, he had me do 30 squats with a 5 second hold in the squat position for each one.  I had to do these on the waffle board.  I have been doing bosu squats on my own at home for weeks.  Again...yawn.

The next exercise was pretty interesting because he had me strap on a waist belt that was attached to a bungee cord.  I had to walk forwards against the resistance and control my walk backwards (10 times).  Then I had to do the same thing for both sideways directions and also walk backwards and then forwards, all 10 times.  This exercise does challenge my foot control, so I think this is good.  My legs were non-plussed.

After, we went to the table and he did a short massage and then e-stim and ultrasound on my calf.

I was really happy to at least have done what I consider real therapy, but there is still much to be desired.  I think the exercises are good, but we need to adjust them to make them harder for me to do, because they were all pretty easy.  My therapist told me that I might be sore this weekend.  In my head, I was thinking, not a chance.

When I was done with therapy, I might have had a SINGLE drop of sweat on me, but sadly not even close to enough for me to need to take a shower before going to work.

When I got back to my apartment, I changed into work clothes and went to work.  This was my final prep day before class starts on Monday.  I got everything on my to-do list done!

When I got home, I walked another mile!!!

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Reflection

My therapy is finally going in the right direction.  I look forward to seeing what my therapist has me do the next session since he is starting to understand my abilities.  This change is good.

Day 72 (212): FIRST MILE!!! :)

I had an early meeting at work today, so I didn't get to walk or do any PT exercises before work.

When I got home, I decided to challenge myself to walk a full mile on my regular route around the downtown area where I live.  I set my Runtastic Pro GPS app (my absolute FAVORITE iPhone app for tracking mileage, rather than wearing a clunky GPS watch) to track my mileage. Then I was off.  Before I knew it, I was already at 8 tenths of a mile and I knew I would not quit until I made a mile.  And then I did it!!!

On August 15th, 2013, I walked a mile for the first time since before both surgeries.  The last mile I can remember completing is when I competed in a sprint triathlon last September, making it literally almost a year since I accomplished this.

I was absolutely beaming with pride at what I had done.  I just kept shouting..."I walked a mile! I walked a mile!"

I. WALKED. A. MILE.

Ok, it was REALLY slow, but these feet walked a mile WITHOUT any braces!!!

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Reflection

I would be lying if I didn't admit that there were days that I didn't think I would ever be able to make it a mile again.  Now those doubts are silenced.  My feet were a little achy when I finished but not painful.  This is a great starting point going forward.  I am not going to push the distance until I can improve my walking gait.  I am going to keep walking the same course until I get good enough at it to add a few blocks.

Day 71 (211): First day at work with "normal shoes"

I wore my Clark's Mary Jane shoes to work today and I made it!  I attended my first faculty retreat and got some prep work done in my office afterwards.

My feet were just fine.  I took today off of working out and from therapy exercises to give my feet a rest.

Day 70 (210): 10/30 week update

*Right: 10 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 30 week surgery anniversary*


Before work, I walked for 25 mins outside.  I know I have a long ways to go, because a homeless guy saw me and said, "Oh, you're hurt."  There is no denying that.  I walk with a bit of a limp on my right side.  The outside of my right foot hurts in the toe off portion of the walking gait and my calf is also really tight.  I have to shorten my stride so not to aggravate these two issues.

When I got back, I did some step-ups, balancing exercises, and band work.

Then I went to work.  I again went without the ankle brace, just tennis shoes.

When I got home, I rode my road bike (on the trainer) for 15 mins.  I have to get re-aclimated to riding inside before I take it out on the road again.  I also did my whole at-home PT program and also a push-up and ab circuit.

I have been really committed to working on my feet and my overall fitness because next week I start teaching full time.  For teaching, I will have to be on my feet for long periods of time, be able to walk around the building I work in, and also be able to go for longer periods of time without elevating my feet.  I can't say it enough how fortunate I am that I already know how to rehab from this surgery.  When I feel my foot is ready, I progress my at-home program as my former therapist would have in my PT sessions.

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Reflection

I can feel my feet getting stronger.  I love my job.  I think I am going to be alright.

Day 69 (209): PT Session #12 + First Full Day at Work

My feet were a little sore from traveling this weekend.  PT was pretty much the same as Friday.  It isn't really challenging me right now.  The biggest benefit at this point is the work he has been doing on my calf.

When I got home from PT, I went directly from my car, straight for a 25 min walk.  When I returned, I went to my building's gym to lift weights and do some leg strengthening exercises.  After, I went to my apartment and finished up my remaining at-home PT program.   I am really having to put in a lot of time on my own to continue my progress.  Good thing I built up my home PT equipment collection during my first surgery (Must haves: Therabands, bosu, dyna disk, foam roller, stretching strap, ball for throwing against the wall while you are balancing on one foot, I use a volleyball).  Most of my apartment is still barely organized but my therapy space was one of the first things I set up.

When I finished, I went to work.  I went in just tennis shoes without my brace for the first time.  It was a great first day getting into the full swing of things.

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Reflection

I must keep going.  I must keep fighting for my life.

Day 68 (208): Wedding Weekend

I rode with my parents to a family wedding this weekend. On Friday, I was in the car for 5 hours.  I kept my feet elevated the whole time in the back seat, so when we arrived they felt ok.

We started with a rehearsal dinner that I wore tennis shoes to.

On Saturday, the wedding day, I wore my Clark's Mary Jane shoes with my super feet insoles in them for the first time since the second surgery.  The wedding was outside, down a hill that had soft ground (from a lot of rain in the area this week). It took a lot of concentration to get down that hill without falling.  When I got to my seat, my feet were throbbing from just stressing them on that tough terrain. The wedding was short and sweet, then back up the hill for the reception.  

I navigated around the reception hall just fine.  The issue was when some of the party guests were egging me on to join the dance floor.  Many times they wanted me to get up and dance. I can barely stand and walk, dancing is an absolute hazard for me right now.  It really frustrated me because they wouldn't leave me alone.  They have no idea what I have been through.  That is exactly why I rather wear my ankle race and tennis shoes so that people clearly know that I am injured.  It also upset me, because generally I join my family in dancing and we naturally become the life of the party.  They were having a blast on the dance floor, and I was stuck watching from my chair.  So much of these surgery recoveries, I am the person watching from the sidelines, instead of the player on the field, like I ALWAYS used to be.  This sucks.

That night, I went to a jazz lounge with two of my cousins to hear some live music.  Everyone in there had sky high heels, and I had my ugly Clark's Mary Janes on.  Again, this sucks.

Today, we drove back home.  I again desperately needed to elevate my feet the whole way.

When we arrived, I was glad to be back home in my ADA specified apartment.  I was most happy to have my shower chair back.

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Reflection

I am not there yet.  Social outings cause a blaring sign to flash in my face that says, "YOU ARE NOT NORMAL.  YOU CAN'T DO THE THINGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE DO...(yet)."  It is a blow to my ego and pride, but times like these only motivate me to stay focused on my PT exercises and my recovery even more.

Day 66 (206): PT Session #11

When I woke up, my feet were sore, since I sat in a chair at new faculty orientation all day yesterday.

I had therapy again at 8:15 am, so my feet didn't have much time to recover from yesterday.  I was wincing a little bit with walking, but I again chose to go with just tennis shoes without the ankle brace.

For therapy, I started by riding 7 mins on a Schwinn Airdyne bike (with the arm handles and big air wheel).  I haven't ridden one of those in a very long time.  We thought that would be a little easier on my feet than the elliptical.

Next, I stretched my calf on the block for a few 30 sec holds. Then, back on the waffle board.  Today, I did squats while balancing on the board.  Those were pretty easy since I have been practicing squats at home.

After, I did a new exercise.  My therapist had me put a strap on my left ankle and he attached a weighted cable to it.  I had to balance on my right leg while moving my left leg back 10 times.  I had to do this in all four directions (both sides and then forwards).  When I finished with the right leg as the support leg, I had to do the exercise with my left leg as the support leg.

Next, we went to the table for manual therapy.  He worked on my toe and foot flexibility first.  He said my big toe is tight, but that the rest of my foot feels pretty good.  After he worked on my calf some, and also did e-stim and ultrasound on it.

When I was done, he wanted me to walk for him.  I always feel so off balance after he has worked on my calf.  He said that I was thinking too much, but if I don't think, I will fall on the ground.  I have to tell my feet every step to strike the ground with my heel, roll forward, to push off with my toe, and to place my foot straight. Nothing is automatic about my walking at this point.  

I also feel like I am falling to the outsides of my feet.  This is one of the results of the surgery, that you go from putting a lot of weight on the insides of your feet to the outsides.  That is the point of the lateral column lengthening (bone wedge).  I have had pronating feet my whole life, so this is an entirely new sensation.  My therapist also thinks that wearing motion control tennis shoes and orthotics, on top of having my feet reconstructed is over correction.  He wants me to transition to more normal stability shoes. Before I can do that, I need to do some serious balance training.  My motion control shoes keep me from falling since they are so stiff.  The more give in the shoes the stronger my feet need to be on their own at stabilizing me.  They are not at that point yet.

When I was done, I changed into my work clothes and went straight to school to finish my orientation.  I was late, because it started at 8 am, but I wasn't going to cancel my PT appointment for it.

After, I got in the car and rode with my parents to a family wedding.  I put my suitcase in the back seat and put a huge pillow on top of it so that I could elevate my feet. By the time I got in the car, they were begging me to elevate them after PT and sitting in a chair for another 4 hours.  My calf was aching.  That e-stim and ultrasound combo really stresses it.

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Reflection

More swollen and achy feet. More therapy. More struggle.  The journey continues...

Day 65 (205): The first day of the rest of my life

Today was a big day for me.  I attended the New Faculty Orientation at my new university.  This was my first official day of my first real job.  A major turning point.  This all just got real.  I am no longer a student, I am a faculty member!

My generally super confident self was horribly nervous to show up in tennis shoes with my ankle brace to my first day.  First impressions are everything, and I didn't know how people were going to react.  At my previous university, it was almost like it was a burden for them that I was going through these surgeries.  They made me feel quite guilty that I had to choose my health over some of my academic pursuits.  Imagine that?!?!?!

How I expected this new university to receive me was completely opposite from my experience today.  That is exactly why you have to drop your expectations.  They welcomed me with warm, open arms, and were sincerely curious and sympathetic of my feet condition.  It became more of a joke that I am an exercise scientist with injured feet than that it will be an inconvenience for people to have to walk slower when walking with me, or that I have to drive and move my car around campus, because I can't just walk across it, or that I need to sit and rest my feet ever so often.  They were all encouraging me to continue in my recovery, so that soon, they will see me at full strength.

They give me a lot of hope.  I feel the most supported I have ever felt in this lonely journey.

My feet were swollen and painful by the time I got home.  This was from sitting in a chair all day.  The worst possible position for my legs is with the 90 degree bend at the knee caused by sitting.  My feet really still need to be elevated, and if they are not elevated, they need to be propped up at waist level for as many hours of the day as possible.  I did pump my feet and flex my quads all day to keep the blood pumping, but gravity is no one's friend.

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Reflection

I am at peace with my feet at this point.  I think that I have finally pushed past the heartache and am starting to look towards the future again.  When people asked me about my feet today, I was able to talk about them without bringing up all the pain and emotions of how hard I have struggled for the last year and a half of my life.  Before now, it has been painful to talk about my feet and tell my story, and to imagine how limited my future life may be.  In this environment, I know that I will be ok.  I know that someway, somehow, I will get my active lifestyle back.  Ultimately, I know that I made the right choice in choosing this university, and that is really validating.

Day 64 (204): PT Session #10

PT was at 8:15 am!  Since the move, I have been on a terrible sleep schedule, so it was hard for me to wake up.  I just can't convince myself to go to sleep before 2 am.  I didn't wear my brace in, just my tennis shoes.

We started with 6 mins on the elliptical.  This was my first time on the elliptical since the second surgery.  My feet were fine.

Next, I had to stretch my calves on the angled stretching block.

Then, I did two new exercises with a waffle board.  It is a wooden board with a half circle cylinder on the bottom.  I had to balance on it without letting the board move side to side.  After that, my therapist turned the board around so that I had to use it to work on my front to back ROM by leaning all the way forward until the board touched the ground, and then all the way backwards, 30 times.  I did one more round of these two exercises.

Since my therapist thought that my right calf was tight when looking at me do the waffle board exercises, we did manual therapy.  He deeply massaged my calf.  One part of it was really  tight, so he dug in deep, and that was pretty painful.  Next, he put an e-stim patch on my upper calf and did ultrasound on my lower calf.

He asked me about how my toe yoga exercises were coming, and I told him I could do it.  He wanted me to show him while I was laying face down on the table.  I exclaimed, "You want me to do it without looking at my toes?"  He laughed and said, "YES!"  I told him that I can't do it, that I can't do much with my feet without looking at them.  He also asked me about spending time barefoot at home.  Another thing that I can't do, since I can't make it more than 5-10 steps before the pain comes or stand in the shower for more than 10 secs.  You guys already know the laundry list of things I can't do at this point, so I don't have to re-hash them.  After he said, "Do you know what therapists hate to hear the most?" I quickly answered, "I can't."  I really can't do a lot of things at this point.  It isn't an attitude issue, it is my reality.  He wanted me to show him that I can do the toe yoga without looking at my feet.  I could just barely do it, but only because he gave me verbal feedback that it was right.  I can't feel that I am doing it myself, I really do have to look at it to confirm.  I have lost most of the proprioception of my feet.  To not get too scientific, my brain sends the signal of what it wants my feet to do, but the receptors in my feet don't send the information back to my brain to confirm that the movement is correct.  That is why I have to use visual feedback, I can't just sense that I am doing the movement.

For hw, he wants me to try to do the toe yoga exercises without looking and also to do my balancing on each leg with my eyes closed.  All I can say is that I'll try, but this is not going to be easy.

After 1 hour, that was it.  I am used to doing much more in a therapy appointment.  I usually start with 6-8 mins on the bike, then manual therapy for 10-15 minutes, 30-45 mins of strengthening and ROM exercises, 15-30 mins of cardio, and 15 minutes of GameReady on both feet.  At this clinic, you get up to a solid hour of 1 on 1 time vs. 30 mins at my previous clinic, but the total treatment time is much less.

When I left, I felt like I had done a warm-up.  As soon as I got home, I took matters into my own hands and did a 15 min walk around my building, and then went to the gym.

I rode the pyramid program on the bike for 20 mins.

Then...

3 x 10 squats (15 lb dumbbells), shrugs (20 lb dumbbells), deadlifts (20 lb dumbbells)

30 bilateral front step-ups while holding 10 lb dumbbells

40 lateral step-ups with each foot

Back to my apartment for my entire home exercise program.

Ice.

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Reflection

Again, you are in control of your own destiny.  Don't complain.  Put up or shut up.  Period.  So...now I have to do most of my therapy exercises on my own.  It's only uncomfortable, not impossible.  Nothing that I will let stop me from making a full recovery.

Day 63 (203): 9/29 week update

*Right: 9 week surgery anniversary*

*Left: 29 week surgery anniversary*


My feet are doing well.  I challenged them yesterday by going to the mall for a few hours.  I had to take several breaks in any chairs that I could find.  The whole experience would have been much more enjoyable for me if I took my walker, but then I wouldn't have gotten in as good walking practice.

I did find two "goal" pairs of clark shoes, for once I start transitioning out of tennis shoes.  Still in the old lady collection, but as stylish as I could find.

A message to my readers

Dear Readers,

A few days ago, I received a lovely comment from a fellow PTTD sufferer.  If you want to read it, you can find it posted on Day 40.  These last few days have been rough for me personally with all of the transition I am going through in my life, while still having to deal with my surgery recoveries.  This comment arrived at the PERFECT time and inspired me to get back caught up on my blog, since I fell a little behind with my dissertation defense and moving.  It also motivated me to keep moving forward in my recovery. Over the last couple of days, I have added from day 41 to present, so get caught up! :)

 I started this blog to provide information about what it is like to actually go through an ankle reconstruction surgery, or two.  I am a researcher by trade in a field related to orthopedics and even I found it difficult to find detailed information on what to expect in the long road to recovery.  There are plenty of articles describing the condition and the surgeries, but little about life afterwards.   Particularly, no information about athletes going through this and returning to activity.   It is not a so uncommon running injury, just rare for my age, and really rare for me to have it in both ankles.  From my canvasing of the internet, it seems to me that most people just throw in the towel, quit running, and live with the reduced function of their feet.  Many never have surgery and rely on braces and assistive devices for the rest of their lives.  Others have the bones fused in their feet to obtain a "perfect" arch, but automatically give up the ability to run again because their feet are too stiff.  As such, I am kind of in unchartered territories trying to get back to it.  For me, giving up my active lifestyle entirely was simply not an option.  At 25, I am much too young for that, especially since I am an exercise physiologist.  I would be a total hypocrite in my profession if I accepted not being able to walk, run, or participate in moderate or vigorous physical activity ever again.

There are many more of you who have left comments or contacted me in some way and I appreciate every single one of you.  As much as I inspire you, you inspire me.  I love hearing your stories, although I so wish that none of you would have to go through this.  If you are reading and haven't commented, please do!  Also, if you have any questions for me or want me to address a particular topic in my blog, ask me!  I read every comment.  I want this to be as much of a resource for all of you as much as it is my way to cope with my situation and to document what I have been through.

In closing, you know from reading my blog that all of this is rough.  Every part of the recovery is difficult.  However, it is much easier being armed with knowledge and having others to relate to.  Please don't suffer in silence as I have at times.  Share your story, reach out to others, find your own way to get through the obstacles in your life.  As bad as this all has been, I have grown tremendously in this process.  Apparently, everything has a silver lining, so keep pushing until you find what it is for yourself.  And...

DON'T EVER GIVE UP.

Sincerely,

AA

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My silver lining is my new life goal:

200 DAYS!!!

Today is Day 60 (right) and Day 200 (left)!!!

200 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's see...what has changed since day 100?

My left foot is feeling more and more normal day by day.  It barely swells with exertion anymore.  It does ache at some of the incision points and at the tendon transfer, but I wouldn't call it painful, not compared to the real pain I have experienced this year.  At day 100, I was unsure of my right foot's fate.  Now we know, that I had to go through another reconstructive surgery.  The good news is that my right foot at day 60, is basically where my left foot was at day 100 (walking in my tennis shoes without a brace).  My recovery is going exceedingly well at this moment.

Here are some picture updates:

LEFT (Just over 7 months)

RIGHT (Just over 2 months)

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Reflection

I have come a long way and I have the scars to prove it.  I just have to keep fighting.  I still have a lot of work to do, but the end is much nearer than it was on Day 1.

Day 59 (199): Working on my walking

Picturing my former therapist coaching me in my head, I have worked really hard on my at home exercises the last few days and have been working on my walking.  I live downtown in my new city, the same as I did in my last city, so it is really conducive to walking.  I have started to walk a small loop around my apartment 2 times per day.  Each time I go one extra block to progress my tolerance.  For my new therapist, I have been doing this without my stirrup brace, just tennis shoes.  

My walking is really....really...REALLY slow.  The important thing is that I am doing it.  No assistive devices, no braces.  You have to start somewhere.

When I get to the edge of my abilities, I start feeling pressure in my right heel.  That is my signal to go back home.  So far so good.  I would estimate that I can walk almost a half a mile at this point.  I can definitely go for 20 mins without issue.  I'll have to either track my next walk with the gps app on my phone or try on the treadmill to have an exact distance.

My toes are responding well to their little yoga exercises.  I can actually control my big toes now and have no issue moving them separately from my other toes.  Practice makes perfect :)

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Reflection

Make progress.