*15 week surgery anniversary*
I had to break the news of scheduling my second surgery to my therapist. It wasn't so much of a shock, more of a realization that this is all about to happen again.
We both know that this is the best option for my future...so we carried on strengthening my left to prepare it to be the main support foot while my right goes through surgery and recovery.
Ever seen a flatter foot? This was the beginning of my PTTD surgery journey...
Left Foot Pre-Surgery X-ray: Ankle with heel valgus and flatfoot deformity
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Day 104: Right Foot MRI
10:00 am- Right Foot MRI
The whole experience felt a little eerie, because just months prior, I made the same drive to the imaging place and had an MRI done on my left foot. Filling out the paperwork was interesting because I had to claim that I had surgery and that I had metal in me. I guess I have a lifetime ahead of me of filling out significant prior medical history now. I used to easily check no/not applicable for everything. Oh well...
The MRI didn't take long, but it did zap all of my energy and my will to live that day from me. I wanted to just go home and escape, but instead I had finals to prepare and take. Pesky school...thank goodness it will be over soon.
5:00 pm- Last in class final...EVER
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Day 102: Paying the Price
After a full day of activity yesterday and having more time to process the news of having the second surgery scheduled, today was rough both physically and emotionally.
I really don't know if my feet or my brain hurt worse. There is an old quote that I learned during my college track days, "The heart achieves what the mind believes." I have stayed really positive and optimistic through the vast majority of my recovery. I have willed myself to heal faster and make major progress...with my left...but then my right just pulled the rug right up from under me. No matter how hard I focus my energy on improving and doing what I need to do to be able to walk normally again, my right foot will need the same surgery.
So hard to deal...
More icing, elevating, and drugs.
I really don't know if my feet or my brain hurt worse. There is an old quote that I learned during my college track days, "The heart achieves what the mind believes." I have stayed really positive and optimistic through the vast majority of my recovery. I have willed myself to heal faster and make major progress...with my left...but then my right just pulled the rug right up from under me. No matter how hard I focus my energy on improving and doing what I need to do to be able to walk normally again, my right foot will need the same surgery.
So hard to deal...
More icing, elevating, and drugs.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Day 101: Day of Terror + Wearing Wedges
Morning
I had several errands to run in preparation for a 250+ person banquet that I was leading the production of. One of the tasks I had to do was pick up some of the supplies that were in heavy boxes. The sales clerk said thanks, and bye, as if our transaction was over. My heart sank when I had to tell him that he was going to have to carry the boxes to my car or get someone else to do it for me. One of the things that I value the most is my independence. I get a lot of it from keeping myself in a highly trained state that prepares me for handling even the toughest of activities of daily living. Of course I would rather have doors opened for me, stuff carried for me, stuff around the house fixed for me...but I pride myself in wanting those things instead of needing those things done for me to survive. I am literally dependent on other people to help me at this point and I absolutely HATE IT!
While I was at the first place, I missed the call I had been waiting for from my doctor's physician assistant (PA). His message said that he was going to be out of town the whole next week, so I had to talk to him today. I called him right back but didn't get an answer. Since the doctor's office was on my way home, I figured that I would stop by to see if I could talk to him briefly.
What a life-changing decision that was...
I ended up talking with the PA in my doctor's office. Upon detailing the struggles I had been having with my right foot and his inspection of it, he confirmed that my right foot was in trouble. He told me that it would need surgery, but that I had to decide how frustrated I am with it to determine the timeline. He also added that since it is a RIGHT foot surgery, that I was going to have to think about placing it on my life timeline more seriously because I will not be able to drive for at a minimum of 2 months. I further explained how stripped down my activities of daily living are and the difficulties I have been having doing even the simplest of tasks. I told him that in terms of frustration, I am at the absolute end of my rope. He paused and then said with a heaviness, "No 25 year old should have to go through this."
I could feel the depth of his sympathy for me when he realized that I was having to go through this...AGAIN.
As the discussion ended, he walked me right over to the surgery scheduler to put my surgery on the calendar. In a blink of an eye, my second surgery was scheduled for June 4, 2013, exactly 5 months post my left foot surgery. I also got prescriptions for pre-op blood work, the dreaded return of the wheelchair, and 600 mg ibuprofen and Tylenol 3 to help with my increased pain levels. He also had me schedule an MRI for this coming Monday.
An innocent trip in to talk to the PA turned into my second surgery fully scheduled. I just wanted to go home and cry at that point. Cry I did, but I only made it to my car before the waterworks began. I didn't have much time to process what had happened because I had my big banquet coming up and had to finish preparing.
---------------------
Afternoon
Swim! It felt great. I did a quick 600 m. I swam as fast as I literally could to try to escape the news that I got this morning.
Final banquet prep.
---------------------
Night
Banquet- It was everything I could have asked for and more. My team did an awesome job organizing it and everyone had a great time. The catch- I wore wedges (the conservative pair by Clark's pictured on an earlier post) for the first time since surgery. Being one of the organizers, and having to give multiple speeches, no way was I going to wear an ugly pair of flats or my tennis shoes with the AMAZING dress I was wearing. I focused on running the banquet and completely ignored how my feet were feeling. I even went out after with a few of my friends to reminisce on the night and the year of accomplishments.
When I got home...
...several rounds of icing + drugs + elevation.
Oh the price I have to pay to do "normal" activities.
I had several errands to run in preparation for a 250+ person banquet that I was leading the production of. One of the tasks I had to do was pick up some of the supplies that were in heavy boxes. The sales clerk said thanks, and bye, as if our transaction was over. My heart sank when I had to tell him that he was going to have to carry the boxes to my car or get someone else to do it for me. One of the things that I value the most is my independence. I get a lot of it from keeping myself in a highly trained state that prepares me for handling even the toughest of activities of daily living. Of course I would rather have doors opened for me, stuff carried for me, stuff around the house fixed for me...but I pride myself in wanting those things instead of needing those things done for me to survive. I am literally dependent on other people to help me at this point and I absolutely HATE IT!
While I was at the first place, I missed the call I had been waiting for from my doctor's physician assistant (PA). His message said that he was going to be out of town the whole next week, so I had to talk to him today. I called him right back but didn't get an answer. Since the doctor's office was on my way home, I figured that I would stop by to see if I could talk to him briefly.
What a life-changing decision that was...
I ended up talking with the PA in my doctor's office. Upon detailing the struggles I had been having with my right foot and his inspection of it, he confirmed that my right foot was in trouble. He told me that it would need surgery, but that I had to decide how frustrated I am with it to determine the timeline. He also added that since it is a RIGHT foot surgery, that I was going to have to think about placing it on my life timeline more seriously because I will not be able to drive for at a minimum of 2 months. I further explained how stripped down my activities of daily living are and the difficulties I have been having doing even the simplest of tasks. I told him that in terms of frustration, I am at the absolute end of my rope. He paused and then said with a heaviness, "No 25 year old should have to go through this."
I could feel the depth of his sympathy for me when he realized that I was having to go through this...AGAIN.
As the discussion ended, he walked me right over to the surgery scheduler to put my surgery on the calendar. In a blink of an eye, my second surgery was scheduled for June 4, 2013, exactly 5 months post my left foot surgery. I also got prescriptions for pre-op blood work, the dreaded return of the wheelchair, and 600 mg ibuprofen and Tylenol 3 to help with my increased pain levels. He also had me schedule an MRI for this coming Monday.
An innocent trip in to talk to the PA turned into my second surgery fully scheduled. I just wanted to go home and cry at that point. Cry I did, but I only made it to my car before the waterworks began. I didn't have much time to process what had happened because I had my big banquet coming up and had to finish preparing.
---------------------
Afternoon
Swim! It felt great. I did a quick 600 m. I swam as fast as I literally could to try to escape the news that I got this morning.
Final banquet prep.
---------------------
Night
Banquet- It was everything I could have asked for and more. My team did an awesome job organizing it and everyone had a great time. The catch- I wore wedges (the conservative pair by Clark's pictured on an earlier post) for the first time since surgery. Being one of the organizers, and having to give multiple speeches, no way was I going to wear an ugly pair of flats or my tennis shoes with the AMAZING dress I was wearing. I focused on running the banquet and completely ignored how my feet were feeling. I even went out after with a few of my friends to reminisce on the night and the year of accomplishments.
When I got home...
...several rounds of icing + drugs + elevation.
Oh the price I have to pay to do "normal" activities.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
PT Session #18: Lonely :(
My therapist was off today, so I worked with another therapist. Going to PT has become such a normal part of my routine. I spend so much time there that it has started to feel like a version of home for me.
Working with this other therapist made it a foreign experience. There weren't many therapists or patients there today. At one point, I looked up and realized that I was the youngest person in the whole building. I don't know where the high school and college aged kids were today. The therapist I worked with was obviously qualified and knew what he was doing but I have really come to realize over the last few weeks how important it is to have a "personal" relationship with your therapist.
What I mean is, my therapist has come to know my personality, my individual quirks, and my strengths and weaknesses physically and motivation wise. He always seems to be more attentive exactly when I need him to be and hands off when I just need to work through a challenging exercise on my own.
This therapist told me my exercises, set up some stations for me, and then was pretty hands off the whole time. I felt so alone. Not all of the exercises require complete focus. So then it was just me standing there stretching my calf, or balancing on my leg, or doing some leg presses. Therapy is waaaay worse when all you have to think about is how boring and mundane all of the strengthening exercises are.
My left took to all of the exercises well. My right hasn't bothered me as much since I have completely stripped all of the weight bearing activities out of my life.
Every PT appointment ends with icing. My feet are so bad off that I have to do GameReady (Ice + Compression) on BOTH FEET. We have been doing this ever since my right foot collapsed.
Working with this other therapist made it a foreign experience. There weren't many therapists or patients there today. At one point, I looked up and realized that I was the youngest person in the whole building. I don't know where the high school and college aged kids were today. The therapist I worked with was obviously qualified and knew what he was doing but I have really come to realize over the last few weeks how important it is to have a "personal" relationship with your therapist.
What I mean is, my therapist has come to know my personality, my individual quirks, and my strengths and weaknesses physically and motivation wise. He always seems to be more attentive exactly when I need him to be and hands off when I just need to work through a challenging exercise on my own.
This therapist told me my exercises, set up some stations for me, and then was pretty hands off the whole time. I felt so alone. Not all of the exercises require complete focus. So then it was just me standing there stretching my calf, or balancing on my leg, or doing some leg presses. Therapy is waaaay worse when all you have to think about is how boring and mundane all of the strengthening exercises are.
My left took to all of the exercises well. My right hasn't bothered me as much since I have completely stripped all of the weight bearing activities out of my life.
Every PT appointment ends with icing. My feet are so bad off that I have to do GameReady (Ice + Compression) on BOTH FEET. We have been doing this ever since my right foot collapsed.
100 DAYS!!!
WOW...I have made it 100 days. I can't believe this.
My left foot feels great and is still way ahead of schedule. I haven't worn my ankle brace one day this week...just my oh so attractive Brooks Motion Control/Extreme Stability tennis shoes.
My right foot continues to limit all of my activities of daily living. I am waiting on a call from my doctor on when my MRI and my right ankle reconstruction surgery is scheduled.
I have many more tough days ahead of me...but I am still here, which means there is always time for a comeback.
My left foot feels great and is still way ahead of schedule. I haven't worn my ankle brace one day this week...just my oh so attractive Brooks Motion Control/Extreme Stability tennis shoes.
My right foot continues to limit all of my activities of daily living. I am waiting on a call from my doctor on when my MRI and my right ankle reconstruction surgery is scheduled.
I have many more tough days ahead of me...but I am still here, which means there is always time for a comeback.
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