Day 86: Right Ankle Collapse :/

I started the day by making the trek to the custom orthotics place.  I was right on time for my appointment, but he was running an hour late!

I was already annoyed for having to wait so long.  When he finally saw me, he edited my left orthotic to fit my new surgery foot.  When we were finished, I asked him if there were any orthotic shoe stores around.  He told me that he wouldn't recommend any because all of the shoes that they will have will be extremely unfashionable.  He said that I am looking at a life time of ugly, bulky, conservative shoes.  He said my best bet is to try to find regular shoes that I can have adjusted to fit my orthotics.

When I left, what he said didn't hit me until I had driven for a few minutes.  When it did hit me, I felt so hopeless.  Beyond my love for sports and physical activity, I absolutely L-O-V-E fashion.  I have such a fly wardrobe and enjoy killing it from head to toe.  I now know that I will never be able to just shop in the regular shoe section.  This reality hurt....and bad.  

I had to suck it up to take care of a number of things back at school, and then I had PT.

I was still so shaken up that I dropped all of my acetaminophen pills that I had brought for the day on the floor of my car.  I managed to pick up two to take before PT.

PT Session #14

7 minutes warmup on the bike.

Walk a lap.

To the tables for a scar tissue massage and flexibility work.  When I was removing my silicone gel pads from my scars, my hands were shaking.  I couldn't manage to peel them off and place them properly in their case.  My therapist told me to take my time.  He could already tell that something was wrong.  Most days, I try my best to not let anyone see how bad I am suffering.  I put on a smile and a positive attitude and hope for the best.  Today, I just couldn't fake it anymore.  My therapist asked me what was wrong.  I was really hesitant to open up and tell him the thoughts that were rushing through my mind, but I also knew that I could no longer hide.  I started by saying that I am just trying to hold everything together...that is, all the terribly shattered pieces of my former life.  I explained to him the depth of loss I felt with the latest blow of never being able to wear normal shoes again.  All in all, I must have known that this was going to be a rough day...

Later in PT, I had a really weird sensation in my right foot.  I could not bear weight on it for about a minute.  I thought it was strange, but since I wasn't doing anything that was directly engaging it at the moment, I didn't think it was anything major.  I didn't even tell my therapist because the sensation didn't last long.

Oh how I wish I had known what that sensation meant...

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Later that night, I went home and did my PT exercises and abs and pushups as I normally do on PT days.  I broke down and completely lost it while I was doing pushups.  Moments later, I tried to do a single heel raise with my right "good" foot, and realized for the first time that I could no longer do it.  That sensation that I had felt in my right foot during PT...yeah that marked the complete failure of my right posterior tibial tendon.  Failing to do a single heel raise is the last warning signal before becoming a surgical case.

Remember how my doctor said I MAY have to have the same surgery again??? Well, now that is a GUARANTEE.  I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ALL AGAIN!!!! 

Also recall how I was 3 weeks away from learning to run again??? Yeah...that is not happening for at least a year from now.  Thanks doctor for getting my hopes up.

I continue to ask myself how much an extremely healthy and formerly active 25 year old can take...and exactly what did I do to deserve all of this torture???

Day 84: 12 weeks + PT Session #13

*12 week surgery anniversary*

Made it 12 weeks!

At PT, I had to tell my therapist all about my post-op appointment yesterday.  I told him all of the good stuff about how well my left was progressing and how my doctor said that we can start pushing it more.  He must have known there was some bad news that I was selectively not telling him yet, because he confronted me about it.  I told him about the strong possibility of the second reconstructive surgery.  I didn't actually feel the full weight of it until I said it out loud to him.  In that moment, I started recalling how difficult and traumatic the first surgery was.  To lighten the mood, my therapist joked with me about how I couldn't have just sprained an ankle or something...

Calf raises continue to be difficult for my right foot.

Day 83: Post-op Appointment #3

I went into this appointment with a lot of excitement over how well my left ankle has been progressing.  The transition out of the boot was tough and painful, but all worth it for where I am now.

We took X-rays and my doctor inspected my foot.  He said that my ankle is well ahead of schedule, but also said that my foot won't feel fully normal until the 9 month mark.  That is such a looooooong long time from now.  He also said that my bones are completely healed!  He ordered me to get my custom orthotics re-fitted for my left foot and to wear them religiously.

Per usual, I went in with a list of questions.  Here they are with my doctor's responses:

Questions

1) What should we do about my right foot?  I have noticed that my right foot seems to be more collapsed than it was before my left foot surgery.  The doctor confirmed that it is worse than when he started treating me for my left.  He told me that I would likely have to go through the same exact surgery for my right.  My eyes went wide and I froze in terror.  I had expected him to say it was going to be a less severe surgery...but he said it would be the same COMPLETE ANKLE RECONSTRUCTION! He said not to worry about it now, but that we would check on it at my 6-months post-op mark.

2) Left Foot Timeline? 

~Start weaning off brace now
~Don't have to sleep with the brace at night
~Can wear regular shoes for special occasions (only if I can walk in them!)
~Working up to running in 3 weeks
~Inversion/Eversion exercises allowed

3) Can I take ibuprofen again? Yes.  Your bones are completely healed.

4) Can I ride my bike outside? Yes!

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I left the office with a prescription for new orthotics (with a diagnosis of Bilateral PTTD...so sad), a new PT prescription to progress my left to higher impact activities and to work on saving my right foot, and a paper that I now have to carry with me when flying in case my ankle hardware sets off the alarms.

This appointment was full of tiny victories that I was excited for, but I couldn't shake the fact that I may be looking at getting the same surgery for my right.

Day 82: 600m Swim

Today, I decided to try the pool again.  My first attempt at swimming a few weeks ago was really challenging.  I largely underestimated needing good weight-bearing ability to get in and out of the pool.

Since my first pool workout was only 300m, I didn't want to push it too much, so I went for an easy 600m.

100m Warmup
8 x 50m Easy
100m Cooldown

My ankle is still adjusting to the kicking position, but it didn't bother me much.  My form is still pretty good, just not as smooth as before.

Day 81: 0.5 Mile Challenge!!!

I woke up early to workout before going to an event.

I was determined to make more progress on the treadmill.  I warmed up with 10 mins on the bike...and then hopped on the treadmill.

I made it 16 mins at 2.0 mph for a half mile!!!  My heel was really sore when I finished, but it was bearable considering I was able to walk faster and for longer.

Then...

24 lb body bar, 3 x 10 squats, shrugs, deadlifts, clean shrugs

Leg press- 2 x 10 (60 lbs), 2 x 10 (70 lbs)

Shoulder Circuit

4 x 10 (60 lbs) Leg extension + Leg curl (70 lbs)

Abs/Pushups.

PT exercises.

Stretching.

Ice.

Day 77: 11 weeks + NO ASSISTIVE DEVICES!!!

*11 week surgery anniversary*

Today, I made it through the whole day without any assistive devices.  I didn't bring my crutch in to school with me.  As you may recall, Tuesday's are my most rough days filled with meetings and teaching.  My ankle brace and shoe were all I needed.  I am still walking really really REALLY slow...but walking is walking.

Day 76: PT Session #11

More progress.  For some reason, I must have told the story about how hard it is for me to walk even 5 minutes on the treadmill around 1.0 mph for between 0.1-0.15 miles in a funny way.  I think the whole rehab room busted out laughing when I said that I was proud for going 1.2 mph for 0.15 miles in 8 minutes...which is such a far cry from running around 6.0 mph for miles and miles and miles, and not only miles, for hours and hours and hours.  That is the life of a marathon runner.

During the session, my therapist decided to pull an April Fool's joke on me and told me that this was my last session.  I literally was in utter shock because therapy has meant so much to my recovery.  No way am I ready to continue this journey on my own yet.  Luckily, it was just a joke and he took it back.  Based on my knee-jerk reaction, he was apologizing the rest of the session.

I did so well at the session, my therapist wanted me to stop using the crutch.  So, no assistive devices, other than just my ankle brace, from now on.